ntu soci 3rd year x))
17th april 1987
5'7 tall
I don't tolerate incongruity
Music, Dancefloor makes me come alive
A world of self denial i live
embodiment of ice
YDesires.
canon ixus 970is or
fujifilm f100d
clothes
maintain GPA of 4.0 above
happiness
pretty skin
when everyone feels angry or unhappy they turn to me to vent their anger i still have to smile and joke around when you want to do something i don't really like i still have to act enthusiastic about it
when i'm happy there's no one to share the joy when i'm sad there's no one to share my sorrows when i'm angry i ended up crying and venting all the anger on myself when i'm stress there's no one i can go to
be it friends or whoever what you all want to do, want to eat, want to say... i always let you have your way never once people began to realize they do not even know what i want, want i need and how i feel... i always put you people on my mind but who really cares about me? or likely its mere lip service saying you understand but how much do you know about me? how much have you step back and let others have a say too??
i feel like a loser i feel like i'm the biggest fool on earth
i don't know what am i giving in all these for i don't know why am i trying so hard to care about other people's feelings i don't know why am i subservient to all you people's mood swing
as the clock strikes 1am now how many of you actually bother what am i doing now?
&loved you so.
28.3.08
deadbeat :S this week just chiong finish 2 essays everyday sleep at 3 wake up at 5 tired until i almost overslept everytime my train reaches either pasirris or boonlay and because of all these essays i'm so behind my schedule... missed so much readings and stuff
school stress and personal problems.... when you thought you could just relax yourself and laugh over stupid jokes with your friends... there's this small intruder into our original small happy-friend-circle... enduring all her stupid questions, enduring all rude intrusions at times when you're talking with someone, enduring her whining and acting like a kid... and she doesn't get that every time she just do things at the wrong timing... how can a grown up like her, especially an undergraduate be so oblivious and insensitive that her acts are bringing so much stress and irritation to people? and when you can't bear to see her being ostracized and sad...you start to pity her and be nice to her again... she returns back to her self... why can't she get it? and because of her, because of her stupid birthday present i almost quarreled with my supposedly closest friend in school... i didn't quarrel obviously. i never ever throw temper or raise voice at anyone before but i just feel so unjust that why just to prevent her from quarreling with the others...i tried to persuade her to give in abit and end up i kena everything...
all along people close to me just seem to throw temper at me as and when they want it.
i can already foresee i won't have a happy birthday and that i've a long long wishlist... my parents are either buying me a watch or handphone, where the other one i'll pay myself pierre cardin/guy laroche long wallet levis jeans bags, which my ntu peeps are probably getting me the river island one that holly double necklace from swarovski, together with its earrings new pair of birks pretty shoes/pumps lots of nice clothes and vintage tees psp
sigh i wish for more happiness... hoping to compensate that empty space within me... but...it just won't fill i guess
i've been telling myself i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy
i guess i can no longer cheat myself anymore why can't i cry and feel the hatred?? why must i cry to feel the piercing pain?
&loved you so.
20.3.08
i'm seriously damn stressed up by the 4 stupid essays and being the no.1 procrastinator and last-min queen... 1) i've not even read the book for my book review, which is due next thurday 2) i've only 1000 words out of my 4000 word-essay which is due...next TUESDAY! 3) i've not research or thought about how my policy analysis paper is going to be like... 4) worst of the worst......i've not started anything on the stupid food diary which i think is just.....useless. (i really regret taking this module!)..
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how interesting i went to singtel's site neither SE K850i nor N95 is available! *shrugs* hah yea but my parents made a valid point if i purchase my a handphone now (and i really wish i could) i'll be distracted by its new functions yada yada and i can't get on writing my essays or prepare exams... so i shall wait!
and i think titus watches are having 20% sale! please wait for me ok?? :) i think i won't aim for the more than 400 moolahs one anymore i don't think i'll maximize its usage for so long to make it worthwhile!
we had videos of animal abuses @ the slaughtering site.... how gross can go PETA or read this http://www.goveg.com/factoryFarming.asp
and within the short span of 1 hour... more than half of the lecture hall people left! my friends felt like puking worse still, when they turned around they saw i'm munching my butter cake haha...
but yeah... i've totally cut down on MEAT consumption i ate from the vegetarian stall i ate tofu, bean sprouts, etc OK i ate fish, prawns though.... at least they are not faced with extreme cruelty compared with pigs that can really SCREECH AND GRUNT when you torture them, cows that suffered so badly when they are still conscious... fish don't make noise. all they do is show their "dead fish eye (si yu yan)" prawns too... and seafood you just catch them and put them on land they die peacefully...
and i shall not go into details what's inside the video we saw
i'm soooooooo *beep* pissed being NICE, i tried helping my friend copy some files onto HER thumbdrive who knows her stupid thumbdrive is infected with worms and trojans and my anti-virus software can only quanrantine and not remove it i really really really hate imperfections i've been keeping my system so clean and now your bloody thumbdrive comes and ruin everything and you still give me the doubtful look that i'm maligning YOU hello, why would i talk such crap if it didn't even happen!!!!! DAMN LA you can irritate me and take advantage of me in any way i can still be calm but NO when you give me such shit my possessions are so important to me just like if you make me stain on my clothes or bags i'll not touch them anymore i can't stand flaws just like how i'll liquid all the mistakes i made even if its half of the page i hate canceling get it
NOW i'm stuck with your stupid worm and horse. ARRRRRRRRRRGH yes i'm angsty you better keep a distance from me from today onwards
i'm being so moody and foul these days stress? sigh can't wait for holidays
so much things i want to shop for, so much things i want to do and i want to sleep alot alot alot, watch tv alot alot alot......
tell me about it i've not stepped into the cinema for very very very long already so many fab movies i've missed
:(:(:(:(:(
&loved you so.
13.3.08
okay..after much brainstorming... i think i'm getting k850i... thought of N95 but...i don't really need all the functions? and i think i want try out sony ericsson to see if its realy good :)
camera will come later...holidays? ahha psp...nice but i think i can do without it...its a bonus..so yar..when i got the $ then say
i think i want to study during the 3 month holiday clear 2 more modules feel like working but...i see it pointless finding administration jobs? go back sales...good money but my entire holiday will be gone so...might as well study
i can't stand people asking brainless question i can't stand people asking questions they have asked before countless times i can't stand people whining i can't stand people being touchy i can't stand people staring/scanning at me i can't stand people who will die without talking for one minute!
chantchantchantchantchant
wahaha.i got 57/60 for my pa quiz..yet my ranking is #9 ok la better than the previous one...39/43 my ranking around #30
i can't stand people skipping school (not because they are sick, but spend the time sleeping every week) then they just come and borrow your notes and ask this ask that
KARMA will befall. sheesh. all because of TWO people. i got my second karma today (i left my one dollar coin on the canteen table and forget to take it) my first was kenna a big blueblack as i knock my knee against the benches damn loud and hard that day
oh yar i can't stand people refusing to come for test then ask people for all the questions and they score bloody well i can't stand people who refuse to tell you their marks when obviously they did better
sheesh... i'm sleepy ZzzZZ good night
&loved you so.
7.3.08
i realized i really regret not buying ipod touch that time.... which is only less than half the retail price now! hmm..and seems that 80% of the people taking public transport now owns a psp... because i see them every morning...even very very young kids! they are just so lucky even their handphone models are of the latest range
gadgets gadgets gadgets.... the latest temptation of the century
arrgh.. i'm just so stressed out why is that so much to do always?? i just want to rest...enjoy... and just to have a peaceful memorable 21st... yet it just disgusts me that i've to spend that period of time mugging and taking exams even before that i've so many essays/assignments to do
can i fly for just one day? have my personal space, freedom and enjoy the serenity around me? do nothing but feel what happiness is like...
&loved you so.
5.3.08
watching quite a few of films/documentaries for class recently one of those that kept me awake was "Jamie's School Dinners" i think most of us are familiar with jamie oliver, especially for people who cook brilliant chef! though i've not tried his cooking before, i can see that from the past recipes i read up of his:) and while the show is about how he goes about campaigning against processed food by trying to change school children's food menu (pretty interesting, go watch it...)
and monday while i had 9 pieces nuggets meal from McDonalds for lunch... jamie had to show how nuggets are made right in front of me BLENDED CHICKEN CARCASS (you get the dark, maroon, brownish colour...yar..not the typical nugget-color we see) so..what do you do to get a lighted shade??? add...BLENDED CHICKEN SKIN to the already blended chicken carcass. fantastic. i add 9 just 2 hours before this. my friends just turn and laughed at me!
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if you've the time, please go watch /Lorenzo's Oil \
Based on a true 1985 story, "Lorenzo's Oil" chronicles a couple's search for a cure for their son's fatal disease. After diagnosing 5-year-old Lorenzo Odone's condition as an extremly rare degeneration of the nervous system known as Adrenoleukodystrophy (ALD), the doctors tell his parents that there is nothing that can be done, and that he has only two years to live. Refusing to accept the word of the medical establishment, the Odones begin researching ALD themselves. As her husband desperately seeks a cure, the boy's mother devotes herself to keeping her child alive with a single-minded fanaticism that alienates everyone around her, including, at times, her husband.
its truly amazing and touching how much your parents can go that extra mile for you when you're down with the deadly ALD disease how your parents devote their time, energy and soul and be there for you its their love for lorenzo that almost made me cry in the lecture hall i'm so glad lorenzo in real life is still aliving and kicking even though he's still blind, mute, and somehow immobile he communicates through the computer occasionally or by winking his eyes but.. his mum's died of cancer in 2000
dear's having exams right now don't stress okay? i'm always with you its your choice whether or not to continue but no matter what i support your decision *hugs*
sparklethots
