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Y FreshMaker.

ntu soci 3rd year x))
17th april 1987
5'7 tall
I don't tolerate incongruity
Music, Dancefloor makes me come alive
A world of self denial i live
embodiment of ice

YDesires.

canon ixus 970is or
fujifilm f100d
clothes
maintain GPA of 4.0 above
happiness
pretty skin

YCraves.
pretty desserts :)





YEpitome.
afiah
agri
charmain
cheryl
daphne
dawnyang
efmw
farhan
grace
jansie
janice
jasmineeng
jien
june
junxian
khinewa
msng
nira
nurul
pam
pamlim
peggy
peifang
pengyu
qiqi
sally
sharon
sherlyn
tingfang
xiaxue
yiming
yiqing
yuhui
friendster
singabloodypore
singaporemind
i-speak



Ycelebrityblogsipatronise.
andreafonseka
andylee
annkok
bryan
bryanwong
carrieyeo
choi
chubby
danielchan
dasmondkoh
edison
eelynkok
FANNWONG!
feliciachin
ivylee
joannepeh
kristyyeung
mcking
natho
patriciamok
qiyuwu
quanyifeng
sharonau
shuqi
taypinghui
972violetrecipe
bossacafez
madbaker


Yaddicts.
Appetite Mag
Bakerzin
cupcakes
roomfordessert
sparklette.net

belinda
blingalicious
dawne
eaindria
dessertcouture
fashionista-closet
funmobilephones

jewelparlour
jocelyn
lavender
lingglass
mistressofglam
orientalrose
Exquisitely handmade bags and other fun stuffs! sparklethots
_spree
sgspree
spreesgalore
spreehouse




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YHistory.
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008


29.9.05

my two cents worth to readers...

guess all of us still remember that there's this Interschool Blogging Championship started not long ago.
what can i say...
its just the institutions wanting the students to spread their oh-so-wonderful-fantastic environment in school..free advertisement for people to know of the institutions' good names..

i'm not here to criticise how stupid the whole issue on the suspension of students due to blogging is...
i can jolly well write a gp essay on it..how fun if i can get that for A's this year :)
but yar...just want to say...
blogs are definitely not personal...
if you ever wanted to lament on someone...
do it tactfully please..
won't it save you loads of trouble??
hmm..i've seen people who openly scold others on blogs..
i just think they are EVIL DOERS.
they appease their anger and frustration..
but at the expense on the others..

a big-brother world.
a naked society.
nothing is considered safe anymore.
a very simple example..
think smooching in the park in the middle of the night is safe?
we have the so called BINOCULARS you know..
i'm one of such "detectives".

the law now is that any teacher has every right to sue students for malicious remarks post online..
do it at your own risk.


&loved you so.
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5 idiosyncrasies
  • i'm homophobic to a large extent
  • i can't sleep w/o my puny+smelly bolster
  • i need the loo every morning before school for BIG BUSINESS
  • i wish i could implant a micro chip into people who're critical, sadistic, insensitive, rude (function is to filter their SINFUL speeches and mentality)
  • smokers, gamblers, filthy men, abns are all oust out of my world
anyone who feels like doing can do it..

------------------------------------

wenyuan : BIP awards are ours for sure :)

kw : thanks for the sweet celion dion scent!! definitely one of the best and exquisite gift i've had!

-------------------------------------

where money is concern..
someone can turn so unglam..
w/o knowing the limit of it..

-------------------------------------

ARRRGH.
damn the mushroom world.
damn the rules and regulations.
damn the pink forms.
damn the little hut at the gate to the mushroom world.
damn the freaking mushroom natives.
i'm so not willing to be the cinderella in this pathetic mushroom HELL.

-----------------------------------

countdown : 7 days to brunei.
i'm preparing for the worst.
i'm so going to miss you like hell.


&loved you so.
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27.9.05

lessons are really crap.
ok not true.
they are giving out our papers and going through them.
but i aren't listen.
my soul don't belong there anymore.

got back math and geog today.
really sucks.
but i'm happy that i'm smiling the whole day.
i'm proud of myself.
and i aren't going to whine about my shit stuff.
:) :)

pasta lunch with ch today.
ever hyperactive!
lol. i can never try talking in a stretch for more than even half a minute without gasping for breathe. yet she did it.
probably even 2 minutes?
conclusion.i've no stamina.
yh the babe was LATE.
erhem..now she's e chao lao queen! *yeah*
don't know who last time keep saying she'll never wear mature clothes sia..
tsk tsk.

bugis got nothing tempting me to buy.
is that good or bad?
oh well..perhaps i can only buy clothes in suntec, raffles, ngee ann..n heeren's queen couture :)
i need shoes badly.
but given my uniquely feet size..
its so hard to find suitable ones.
damn.
all because average singaporean girls have small feet.
big sizes aren't available.
and when they are available..the designs aren't satisfactory.
double damnation.
ok. i need a handbag too.
last year bought a toscano black..its just too big.
my mother using it now..
ah..$160?? =(

that's just some sidetrack.
no mood for serious shopping now either.

i must learn to be motivated like yh!
but i can't leh.
*chants chants chants*

fu+wy+me needs condense+intensive therapy.
esp for our math cancer.
DON'T FEAR.
there's still hope!

dear isn't doing well in camp.
tough days for him.
yet i can't be there for him :(
sorry dearr...know you're fan yourself..
rest assure i'll not let you worry for me !!
i miss you..
countdown: 9 days to your departure to brunei
SIGH.


&loved you so.
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26.9.05

sorry mummy and daddy.
thanks for understanding and hearing me out.
but i still can't forgive myself.


&loved you so.
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24.9.05

i'm still not getting anywhere better.
morning started off with the same old grumblings from my father.

i'm just going out for a day out of this damn month.
is one day going to make a HUGE difference on my grades?
i freaking need a breathing space!!
i stay at home any longer facing four faces i will just die.
and not as if i'm those who goes out everyday.
HELLO??
you see me everyday home straight after my papers right.
home all day during these breaks?
can't i even be spared off this little short while?

arrgh.
yes i went out when he went to bathe.
initially my mother wasn't please that i went out.
but that was last night.
and it was SOMEONE who flared her up and caused her to be in a bad mood and shouted at me.

yes.
today 1230 to 730.
7 hours of happiness..
short.
but i'm contented.
once again i feel what's life.

no i didn't go shopping for myself.
i so wanted to.
but my priority was choosing a present for my bestest.
yup.
not a cheap one..and i think its super girly stuff.
i think will shock her to death...
but the moment i saw it i know its the one!!
kw's 20th birthday present SET.
hell with the price.

SAKAE time.
at 1st decided to eat pasta..but it was packed.
then..foodcourt..packed.
so we went up to sakae..packed too..but we waited..not very long so its okay.
a good bargain --> 2 red plates for only 8 bucks!! wheee..means a discount of 5 bucks!! yummy soft shell crab. and we didn't get skinny ones today.
then was snapshots time :)

went to buy missha's yoghurt face mask!!
mango and strawberry..see whether its good before i try the other flavours..

bugis is kind of packed so we went to century square for a movie..
/bitter sweet life\ is nice!!
lee byung heon! charming.. *thumbs up*
i admire his nerves of steel in the show..
he's like almost unbeatable..
but to the extent not realistic..
cause how can one withstand one blow after another yet having the energy to fight on and seek revenge...alone??
certainly not as grosteque as /house of wax\ which was put under PG?? or NC 16..
i wonder why..
perhaps of the underworld mentality.. duhx.
just like how /young and dangerous\ is rated M18 as well. wth..its such a marvellous show.
anyway back to the show..its rather quickly paced yet relentless.
he's just cool, sophisticated, fearless and soulful in the act..
yet he seems like another normal being..who falls for a girl..
which is a sweet dream that will never come true.
relate it to reality..
it leaves you pondering..

once again..i'm back home to this cold hard screen.
tell me about it.


&loved you so.
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freaking in love with this pair of mariposa.
its not available in singapore and damn expensive.
but i just want it...
yet i don't know how to get it.
sigh.


&loved you so.
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23.9.05

i feel disappointed being left out of your life.

i feel upset that my parents don't understand me.

i feel sad that i can't bring you happiness.

i feel guilty for missing 2 gd friends' birthday celebration.

i feel horrible having to face four walls alone everyday.

i feel lost having to cry alone all while.

what's hurting is those details behind these happenings...but i can't spell all out...in this public blog...

i just feel so suffocated.
so depressed.
so lost.
my path ahead now is in total darkness.
even the dim light i used to have is seemingly gone.

i need a breathing space.
i'm just another normal girl.
but why is everyone giving me the kind of pressure i can't take it anymore.
i'm like blamed for almost everything..
i'm scolded and shouted at for the tiniest thing on earth.

i'm still trying my best to please everyone.
to cheer people up.
to worry about other people.
i always put my own problems..sadness away..
as i think i shouldn't let that affect my duty to be a good girl. good daughter. good student. good friend. good girlfriend.
but what do i gain from all these??
nothing.
instead i'm becoming so so tired of life.

i don't want to be that girl anymore.


&loved you so.
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21.9.05

(click here)
supposedly the creator of the "i'm that guy"

its not surprising that boring singaporean bloggers are following up this trend for almost 2 months. that includes me.
it may sound cliche...but i've read a few that touches me so deeply...set me to think hard...
i came across this blog actually 2weeks ago..like moments before prelims officially started...but my brain was stuffed with billions of cancerous chi*geog cells that i can't afford to sit down and think properly what has happened up till my 18 years on earth...

so here i'm..
presently my very own version
*i'm that girl*
pardon if my list is extraordinary long
  • i'm the baby born on 17.04.87 that my mum has waited almost 5-6 years for
  • i'm the baby whom my mum told me i slept in a "yao2 lan2" and was "shook with my father's feet
  • i'm the baby caught crawling on the floor with my mouth filled with hair bits stuck there due to me imposing as a temporary vacuum cleaner for mum
  • i'm the baby who cried in everyone else's arms because i only want my parents to carry me
  • i'm the girl that grew up used to being chased around the house by the cane
  • i'm the girl who was scolded to tears for hiding and not wanting to eat those horrible bitter and smelly chinese medicine
  • i'm the girl who always fall ill when i was very young, even admitted to hospital for fatal fever and puking
  • i'm the girl with no playmate(s)
  • i'm the girl who always top any art competition i participated in
  • i'm the girl who was always regarded as role model and apple of teachers' eye all through my kindergarden and primary school days
  • i'm the girl who never fall out of the level top 3 placing which i got effortlessly
  • i'm the girl who gets awards, prizes every year for almost everything
  • i'm the girl who was scolded in school during "papers checking" in pri three for getting a 88 for math
  • i'm the girl who gets the most attention from friends back then
  • i'm the girl who stood up for a good friend in primary one against those primary six big bullies
  • i'm the girl who was spank hard on my bare ass in primary one for bringing back my waterbottle "undrunk"
  • i'm the girl who always have the cleanest and whitest pair of shoes in the entire school all thanks to my mum
  • i'm the teenager that did well for DnT and home economics, results were still considerable
  • i'm the teenager that devote full attention and time into DHSSB and all i did whole day was band, music, bassoon and nothing else
  • i'm the teenager who was once almost expelled out of band for some silly reason all thanks to a special "friend cum senior"
  • i'm the teenager who was regarded as one of the elitist in band
  • i'm the teenager booted out of band committee due to horrendous results
  • i'm the teenager that miraculously survived O's at the last lap and got a lucky 11 to be in TJC (which i regret for life)
  • i'm the teenager who skipped 60% of lessons in NYJC and went out to play
  • i'm also the teenager who never skipped school and was always early for school all the way up till JC
  • i'm the teenager who can't stop swearing for nuts when it comes to school related stuff now
  • i'm the teenager who fails every now and then and is the principal's best coffee mate
  • i'm the teenager who enjoys being an escapist and hopes no one notices me
  • i'm the teenager who hides in the bathroom/bed and cry everyday due to extreme pressure and stress from studies/family/relationship/friends
  • i'm the teenager ditched by 2 people in my life which has always been the other way round of rejection
  • i'm the girl who pinches a sex maniac on the MRT train who happen to sit beside me
  • i'm the friend you would find listening to you, helping you, sacrificing...just for the hope of making you happy
  • i'm the friend who never shout or quarrel with you
  • i'm the friend who may not be able to fulfil you with thrills and fun, but i'm the friend who always stood by you through everything, gives you advices and comments and always act like a mother/elder sister
  • i'm the girl who was touched by the guy with his true and silly gestures
  • i'm the girl you would go all the way to yishun and send me back home just for a confession send through an sms
  • i'm the girl who initiate to hold your hands which totally startled him
  • i'm the silly girl forever counting the number of days we have been together
  • i'm the girl who forbids the guy to wear his earrings, his pink cap, worn out shirts-pants-sandals whenever we're out on a date
  • i'm the girl who saves up every cent on my pocket money back then just to buy him decent clothes and any gifts for him
  • i'm the girl who obeys what i'm being told and asked to do and never questioned back
  • i'm the girl contented with a simple life..inclusive of just the guy, family and a few friends
  • i'm the girl hoping to marry the guy she loves wholeheartedly
  • i'm the girl who is happy eating home-cooked food for the rest of my life
  • i'm the girl who turns in latest by 11 everynight
  • i'm the girl feeling hopeless and desperate of my current life
  • i'm the girl who cries and feel hurt related to family problems
  • i'm the girl who wish to fly away
  • i'm the girl you think you know but you don't
------------------------------------------

food for thoughts (for guys)
Your mother and your partner are drowning in the sea.
Both screaming their heads off and struggling frantically.
You can only save one while watching the other drown then disappear.
Who will you swim towards and save?
quite an universal answer to this will be "of course laobu (mother) lah!! laobu only got one and she give birth to me what... zabor die le can find others marrr...
what's your answer?

food for thoughts (for girls)
Your partner and child are drowning in the sea.
Only the child is screaming and crying out to you.
"Mummiii!!! Save me!! *cough cough struggle struggle*"
You can only save one while watching the other drown and disappear.
Who will you swim towards and save?
this is a tough one i guess.
females are born to be sooo sentimental.
probably some will just stand at the coast scream, shout, panic and cry.
end up both also die.
your partner: love of your life
your child: own flesh and blood
and your also might watch alot of drama serials that shows a mother in hard labour crying out to her husband that if anything happens, save the child first.

what's mine?
i really can't decide.
but if i really do..
my answer : partner.
*though i'm still unmarried...(eventually i hope i will)

the marriage vow goes something like regardless of sickness or whatever, you swear to fulfil your responsibility to love and care for that person the rest of your life.
your partner is someone you went through so much to be with...and the promise you made...to stand by one another against all odds.
for the child...its a product of your love with your partner.
no partner, no child.
we can apply the *there's-only-one-mother-but-girls-everywhere* theory here
child you can have as many as you want.
but there can be only one man deserving your utmost devotion and love in your life.

what's yours then?

-----------------------------------------

prelims are over, except for the last paper next week.
and damn it that school is just starting right after that paper.
i know i'm not doing well in it.
no point complaining to anyone cause before these people get their result slips, everyone claims they WILL FAIL.
all i can say is i hardly attempt any question.
i know while people are busy scribbling their math paper 2 scripts away, i was secretly tearing, even after the paper.
i was there feeling so lost all of a sudden that it seems i'm doing a subject i've not studied.
at that very moment...the mind just blanked out.
all that what i've studied seemed to vanish.
i know that 3 hour will be a torment for me.
sitting there fidgeting, tearing, doesn't help.
at that point of time i just have the urge to dash out of class and scarper.
but i'm just a gutless piece of shit.

---------------------------------------

life's still going on.
everything at home is also in a mess.
tonight there's my cousin wedding which i was looking forward to but not now.






&loved you so.
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19.9.05

a girl can never have enough accessories.
a girl can never have enough clothes.
even though i feel so sinful.
but its currently my form of stress relieving method.
*one big burn in my wallet*

tmr is the "last" paper...w/o counting the s paper next mon...
i'm already taking a BREAK now.
i just finished FEMALE in 1 hour =)
ELLE is out..and the goodie bag is damn worth it..
but well..i'm not buying..enough of fashion magazines for this month.

praying hard for sat to come..
i miss him.i really do! :(
i need a big warm hug.
movies too!

i'm going for acryllic nails.
not now cause fanciful nails to school is so AH LIAN-ISH...
i'm not like XXX who always make a fashion statement in school with those loud colours and bling bling.
so after A's that is..
acryllic nails for me.
that will cause me a bomb man..
but i can probably dig someone's flesh with that nails of mine if anyone bullies me
*yeah*

population is really so "tough" for me.
inverted commas coz all along i'm studying economic change.
for some reasons i fear the essay may come out agriculture stuff.
i did population for the 1st time.
had a hard time digesting it in just 2 hours.
the entire weekend was sleep,eat,tv and tourism.
but somehow i didn't do well for the tourism essay.
*spanks ass. its definitely an easy paper for those who studied thoroughly.


i like kayan using "couch potato".
i'm probably one after tomorrow.


&loved you so.
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17.9.05

mood analysis test results

Utmost in your mind is success. You are constantly seeking stimulation and a life full of experience. You are trying to 'grow' and above all you need to develop freely and to shake off the shackles of self-doubt. You are an enthusiastic individual, full of life with the desire to live intensely. You like contact with others and are enthusiastic by nature. You are receptive to anything new, modern or intriguing. Your interests are many and you are likely to expand your fields of activities. You are optimistic about the future and you deserve every success because deep down you are a 'winner'.
this one isn't true.totally opposite.i'm not optimistic.i don't like trying out new things.

but following ones are all true!
gosh.

You don't feel as if you can go it on your own anymore. You don't want to be taken for granted. You need to be recognized as a 'caring person' and it could be that you are searching to establish a relationship, not necessarily with someone new, but with that someone special who could feel the same way as you do.

You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.

Your inherent powers and perseverance are in danger of being overwhelmed by excessive stress. You have a great deal of resilience which is being overtaxed by the continued attempt to overcome existing difficulties but you are sticking to your objectives in spite of the intolerable pressure. After considerable reflection you believe that it is impossible to reverse the situation and so you would truly like to be free of it altogether.

The tensions that you are trying to cope with are a result of conditions which are really beyond your control. As a consequence of this almost impossible situation and not being able to get your own way, you are subjected to frustration and almost ungovernable anger. You are trying to remedy the situation but the stress that you are experiencing is making the situation even worse. You feel so inadequate that you are not quite sure which way to turn. A good suggestion would to be to try to relieve the stress and anxiety by participating in some very active physical activity which will relieve your tension.

click here



&loved you so.
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i wish i could be strewn out of singapore till nov 17th.
exams really suck like hell.

past week was really egregious.
math was screwed.
there were a few sums i'm sure i know them.
but yar as i've said. i've only done 60/100 and out of those i did.. only 60% sure.
gp i did the question on electronic means of communication.
god knows whether i've gone off track!!
passage was fairly easy and i happily thought it would be an easy paper.
totally untrue as questions are all phrased in a way i don't understand and AQ was tough.
can't even find anything to write for summary.
man..
physical geog was a killer.
our class nearly fainted. maybe the other classes find it easy??
but well...something to cheer me up.
by studying only deserts and climate half-heartedly...i finished all. rubbish though.
lep essays are a gonna....
what chimalogy questions huh?
my dream of hitting at least a 25 is totally gone.
GU WEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm so so so lucky man. i study 70% of all guwens.
yet the 2 that came out was from the 30% i didn't studied.
lep paper 2.
"dead-est" of all.
i didn't have time for any hong lou meng revision.
i did qns 6 i only manage to crap 1 and a quarter page.
i planned to do cha guan...guessed heaven is playing a trick on me by deleting whatever i've studied so so hard on cha guan a minute before the exam commerce.
i was banging on that 2 qns!
leaving with no choice...
i did 2 xiao shuos.
which i read only that morning.
can anyone just tell me what kind of results i'm receiving.

enough of those horrible prelims shit.

--------------------------------------------

i love those mooncakes.
momentary solace and tranquility.
yummy.
i go for those traditional ones and certainly..
not sick of them throughout the years.
*double yolk with red lotus paste* please :D

yes i may be old.
but i still look forward to latern playing with dearrrr.
eating mooncakes with him.
i know he don't really like eating that..
nvm. i shall cut into small pieces and feed him.

----------------------------------------

indulging in mass tidbits eating these days.
did you catch one new advertisement on whatever silming stuff.
they got 2 skinny girls like me for that ad.
happily saying one quote that she managed to shed 3 kg.
gosh.
is it a proud thing to be so skinny??
i'm not!
that's what Singapore is known for.
Asian Barbies.
characteristics of s'pore barbies :
  • ASAP *as skinny as possible*
  • long rebonded hair coupled with the hazel nut brown shade. *duplicates all around us*
  • plain camis, tanktops, spags, tees with butt revealing low cut jeans that people are proud to flaunt. *excuse me. its unsightly no matter how beautiful your butt and butt line is...and you're just arousing guys. so stop complaining molesters are everywhere. you invited them. your problem*
  • pumps, shoes, slip ons from charles & keith, etc. *flats flats and more casual footwear that brings you from a chalet to even function halls...*
  • thick makeup *can you just give it a flick and wow. a wadi*
i'm not criticising all the above.
neither am i having a problem with it...
just that singaporean girls are all duplicates of one another...
*raise hands* yes i'm one skinny freak. but i hate being skinny. its not doing much good. BUT... there are people out there even trying to slim down even though there's nothing to burn away.
yes my cupboard is filled with dozens of flats. reason being heels make me awkwardly "tall" among my friends and my boy. thus heels only come into place for special occasions.
one issue i want to comment on is...
singaporeans have no sense of "occasions"!!!!!
they drag their usual spag/tee/tank/jeans/pants from beach to malls to even dining at places of all sorts...and even to weddings!!!
please.
there's a difference between neighbourhood heartland malls and town area.
pls define them with dress codes!
shorts and slippers are a no no in town.
its been reported in news for many times as well.
something me and my mum can't stand either.

i'm tempted to cut away my fringe for a new look.
but i'm scared it'll be disastrous.
since i've a short forehead. =(
if i'm going to do it.
i've to get myself a top-notch hairstylist to do the job.
success rate must be 99.9%!
my hair is in a very bad condition. frizzy and very dry.
monthly treatment will cost me a bomb..
sigh.
i'm not dying my hair.
it'll probably ruin the already very bad condition of my hair.
i can't do curls.
they may just tangle themselves up and become a lump of dunno what.
AHHHH.
i've no choice.
i can only stick to this dull mop for the rest of my life.
till the day my hair can be of those in the organics advertisement.


--------------------------------------

change in style of blog noted.
reason???
exam stress.

--------------------------------------

i'm still being a crybaby.
when i can't finish my studying i tear.
when i can't understand the concepts and there are other things to annoy me i cry.
a bad habit of mine is that i'll meddle with my nails whenever i'm studying..
causing them to bleed and turning into odd looking shape.
that explains for the plasters all over during mid yrs and end yrs.

-------------------------------------

i miss dear so much.
i'm cracking my brains to think of his special bday gift.
it must be special as he's turning 21 this dec :)
so i must make it memorable ^^,

one of his keypad fell off.
that's why i don't like phones with those flat keypads...
eh i can't say in words..
you know..those not popping out distinctively ones?
those are easier to spoil even those they look classier.

my phone is getting mouldy!!
its the first time i've used something that turns out so badly conditioned.
my books are forever new.
shoes.clothes are always new looking..
i can't stand flaws!
i'm a perfectionist, JIE PI too. i don't know what's that in english.
anyone knows that please tell me.

--------------------------------

and by the way..
happy birthday KW!
wed was yc's...today's hers.
its really bad to have your birthdays falling during exam period.
rule out the having fun part.
its that you are undergoing intense trauma and stress that freaks your birthday out.

--------------------------------

yesterday i sort of got back a feeling that i lost for a year.
i hope things can remain this way.
i'm feeling comfortable.
how i wish things hadn't change.
thanks for this particular someone :)

-------------------------------

my life will never be complete without my family.
they gave me life.

but my path was brightened by my boy.
he gave me hope, love, care and definitely company. i cherish him.
and i love him more than anything or anyone else.

there are people in my life that mould me into what i'm now.be it good or bad experience.
  • pearl, hazel, yizhen, huimin *the used to be siao-za-bor gang*
  • waikeung, alvin *best guy friends i had in pri sch...beginning to love soccer, comics*
  • sally *my soulmate in the past*
  • khine wa *my bestie ever*
  • yuhui *my best band mate!*
  • adol***s *he made me realise that friends have two sides. made me wary of all*
  • kenmin *he made me know what jerks are like*
  • yaocong *someone i can be serious yet joke with*
  • emily *a kind of friend that i never had.she's damn rich...but she's not the stuckups we're talking about*
  • xinyi *a memory etched, a once upon a time best of friends*
  • hanyuan *hmmmm.things are better left unsaid....its all past! but well friends for sure*
  • june *my hjm for life*
  • chuhui *a friend i can't do without*
  • pamela *my zhu zi*
  • eileen fu, wenyuan *one of the few that i own my happiness to*
not necessary all best friends but well as i've said..
they made me who i'm now.
anyone taken out of a list and i won't be the eileen here.

-----------------------------------------

i'm looking forward to :
  • shopping
  • more time with darling
  • good food
  • manicure
  • hair treatment--dry frizzy hair
  • clothes!
  • new hp
  • nov 17th
  • piggyback rides from dear
  • more hugs from dear too!
----------------------------------------


&loved you so.
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12.9.05

yes ms fu...the 3 random facts...
it wasn't random at all!
took me quite some time to think about it!!
i've no idea what should i put down...

1) i love him alot
i wish he would be the one beside me on my wedding day
i want a happy family with him

2) once i cried in sch.. *when i was sec2 dhs...*
because there were dozens of BIG BLACK MOTHS in my classroom!!
utterly morbid.
other than moths..
i will cry if any lizards are less than a metre from me...
esp when they are threatening...like at my house!!

3) 2 guys fight for me during kindergarden. *lol* to think back its like so funny!!
i had a crush on a thai guy during pri 4. but it was short lived. as he was
attached!! but he said something to my friend that made me v v v happy tt time...
he say if he wasn't attached he'll like me too!! *but obviously he didn't know i
liked him.
then i met my *chu1 lian4*...lasted for 2 years.
sec 1 was single but unavailable.
sec 2 was with one senior but didn't last either. realise we were better off as friends...*he's too "young" for me...more like my little brother*
sec 3- sec 4 single..super unavailable. was extremely not interested in guys.
was harrassed by 2 pervertic guys.
so i can be considered unattached during sec school days.
hmmm...but i admire one guy. not like..but admire his courage for his "perserverence" to like me for 3 years when i admit to him we can only be friends. he's rather generous i would say. but still...i don't go for $$$$
went on to nyjc...like a guy for half a yr but was REJECTED *many ppl know him*
then...unknowingly....blindly accept another guy v v v soon...i was too depressed i guess.
i didn't really like him.
but since together i try to like him...
and when i did...
I WAS DITCHED.
record breaking r/s.... 1 week.
and then i swear to be a nun for the rest of my life!!!!!!!!
but
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
i met him :)
he changed my destiny.
he'll be my final stop.
my final one.

------------------------------------------------

done!
wasn't that random afterall.
pretty long.
but well...when you think back about your past...
you tend to laugh how ignorant you used to be.
so now if given a choice...
i will prefer to skip away that 2 guys last year!!
cause that marked the lowest trough of my teenage years!!!
*erase memory*
*completed*
now my mind only have him him him.
i'm contented.
not that much friends like when i was younger...
used to be called a social butterfly...whatever..
i'm not now..
and i think it's good...
with just my family..a few gd friends..and him...
my simple life :)

--------------------------------------------

he gave me a nice nice pendant today.
happy 15th mth anniversary dearrrr!!!!
*hugs*
he bought mooncakes for me too!!!!
just a happy happy moment for me.....

-------------------------------------------

but my morning was ruined by the maths paper 1.
horrendous.
70% going to fail.
i did only 50+ marks out of 100...
and out of those i did 70% i wasn't sure.
hah..
oh well..i happily thought i can do fairly well in paper 1...to help my paper 2.
gosh.
guess my math is gone
ARRRGH.
my other subs won't be any better.
haix.
totally not in the mood for exams.

i want to fly away :(

bad hair day.
bad face day. ---> breakouts.


&loved you so.
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11.9.05

its hard to make a choice.
tongku i would say.
but for the sake of spending more time with my parents and dear.
i just got to sacrifice that.
that sms i sent just decided my fate for me.
i can just kiss my bassoon goodbye.
*sigh*
imagine giving up something that is probably the only thing i can do well and have had done well in my whole life.
only playing gives me confidence.
at least my skills and playing are recognised.
its not about losing just a principal player or section leader post,
but its about losing part of you.
but come to think of it..its worth it.
at least i won't be leaving my mummy at home alone every sunday.
at least i won't need to trouble dear to come yishun and fetch me back to tamp/pasir ris.
i ought to be happy.
yup.i won't regret :)

------------------------------------------

gp --> 0%
math --> 10%
lep --> 50%
human geog --> 20%
phy geog --> 50%

yes.i'm dead.

------------------------------------------

gem vs dirt.
now i know what friends are.
i should just wake up.
stop wasting brain cells to think about what things to do to make her happy or special.
till the day she proves to be worth the effort.
i've been an idiot for near 2 years.
i want to be stop being so "yi xiang qing yuan"

------------------------------------------

anyway ystd i just stumbled on one old old neoprint.
i was paying special attention to one of them.
cause i've no idea the 2 girls in the photo *me and june*
which one is me.
erhem. no i still think we don't look alike.
its just that photo.

-------------------------------------------

i'm sad.
my neoprints with him was supposedly to be flawless.
cause i kept it v v v v safe in some secret hiding pocket.
GOSH!
i nearly just cried ystd.
i kept it toooo tightly forgetting they are stickers after all.
the smaller ones on top left such a horrible "stain" on the bigger ones behind.
worse still.
its my favourite piece that is now in the worst state.

--------------------------------------------

i killed 3 spiders.
i heard a lizard ystd.
my mum placed a lizard trap somewhere in the kitchen.
this morning the trap was gone.
to our horror.
it went behind our washing machine.
the lizard probably swept it down with it.
damn.
the trap only caught the stupid tail.
ARRRRRRGH.
i'm to live in fear once again.

----------------------------------------------

i seriously think its a big mistake to put "bei ai de nu ren" into the album.
ok put aside i don't really like her.
i'm just speaking the fact.
she didn't sang that song that well.
and i can't decipher why her comments was "fantastic" for it.
the song to go in should be "mei li ben nu ren" *but guess people are sick of that "only" song she can sing.
another choice would be "gu dan ba lei". that was quite well sung.
nononono.

i'm waiting patiently for sinhuey and candyce album.
junyang.haha.can probably burn from fishy ho.

i'm thinking of buying "jin sha"'s album.
she's damn good.

------------------------------------------

i'm waiting for dear to finish his army marathon.
fancy running at 5 early morning.
madness!
its been 2 weeks i've seen him??
maybe more.
i just miss him so much.

-----------------------------------------


&loved you so.
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9.9.05

dear i miss you.
our r/s is going through a rather rough patch and i hope things will be fine.
i want you to stay happy.
sorry for leaving you alone these weeks.
i'm trying hard to give you a call like twice a day..if you can see i'm trying to make you happy.

if one day the clock stopped ticking and everything in the world has come to a halt...
i wish that i'm holding your hands at that moment...
hoping it will last for eternity.

thanks for entering my life on 12th june 2004.
that was probably the happiest day i've ever had.

---------------------------------------------

cramps are killing me as usual.
i slept the entire noon.
damn.
i'm left with a whole lot more to study.
nothing goes in.
i can't memorise for nuts.
double DAMNATION.

was blog hopping.
i wonder how these people thon outside, club all day even in this period..
probably couple with good results in the end..
i just wonder.
are their parents hibernating?
they are having the kind of freedom normal jc-ians don't.
yet they are whining how F-king irritating their parents are by restricting their 'freedom'
tell me about it huh?

--------------------------------------------

i wonder what's the definition of friends.
i've been pondering...this few days..
after 18 years in this world..
i realise human relationships can never be maintained once 2 people part.
as in..different school..different class..

i was naive enough to think things will still be the same like 2 years ago..
self-deceiving indeed.
time has proven me wrong..
perhaps..i'm no longer the friend i was to her in the past.
perhaps..i'm just one of the many she would remember once in a while..

it doesn't matter that 2 ppl don't spend that much time together as before..
it doesn't matter if you have many other friends for company now and you no longer needed me..
but it hurts.
when you're trying so hard..taking the initiative to cross over this obstacle to the other side..
yet the other party instead of welcoming you..walks away..
your efforts just vaporise.

seeing them putting so much energy in others bday presents..
and it just reminds me how pathetic my day was in your eyes.

i'm really tired of you being cold towards me.

--------------------------------------

i was thinking..
if i hadn't come tjc..
i won't even be talking to ch..
so i guess i won't even be in much contact with yh..
then if we graduate from this god-damn school..
maybe people like june will also be vaporised in a few years time.

tv serial scriptwriters are spinning such wonderful tales.
i'm only waking up now.

---------------------------------------

anyway..
2 more days..
wenyuan..guohao..chun hsien..all the best.
god bless we'll cross this hurdle and not see HER again.


&loved you so.
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7.9.05

被风吹过的夏天

还记得昨天那个夏天
微风吹过的一瞬间
似乎吹翻一切
只剩寂寞更沉淀
如今风依旧在吹
秋天的雨跟随心中的热却不退
仿佛即使闭着双眼
熟悉的脸又会浮现在眼前
蓝色的思念
突然演变成了阳光的夏天
空气中的温暖
不会更遥远
冬天已仿佛不在留恋
绿色的思念
回首对我说一声四季不变
不过一季的时间
又再回到从前
那个被风吹过的夏天

还记得昨天那个夏天
微风吹过的一瞬间
似乎吹翻一切
只剩寂寞更沉淀
风依旧在吹
秋天的雨跟随心中的热却不退
仿佛继续闭着双眼
熟悉的脸又浮现在眼前
蓝色的思念
突然演变成了阳光的夏天
空气中的温暖
不会更遥远
冬天已仿佛不在留恋
绿色的思念
回首对我说一声四季不变
不过一季的时间
又再回到从前
那个被风吹过的夏天

蓝色的思念
突然演变成了阳光的夏天
空气中的温暖
不会更遥远
冬天已仿佛不在留恋
绿色的思念
回首对我说一声四季不变
不过一季的时间
又再回到从前
那个被风吹过的夏天

那一风吹过的夏天

----------------------------------------------

i'm so tired of this.
i can't progress any further, i really can't.
its such an agony when you happily thought you've finished something, and the next moment you realise you seemingly forgotten everything.

i can't stop tearing.


&loved you so.
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2.9.05

all i have to say is that kelly's fans are sore losers..
does spouting those mean stuff at weilian help her win??

but well..
i still think sinhuey and junyang sang the best yesterday..
esp sinhuey..pretty!!
glam glam glam queen :)

oh..but i still think the judges are still unfair..the way they comment..
there is practically only ONE of them who said something abt kelly's pitching prob.
but well.i think only her duet was gd.
and i have something against one of the judges' dressing. -_-
weilian's 2nd song was the best among all..eh..forget the title..

superstar of the night.. JJ ^^,
一千年以后!!

-------------------------------------------

poor dear..
guess those sickly bugs are pestering you :(
fancy having fever and a badbad cough..yet still have to stay in camp..
*hugs*
hope my "kool fever" helps in a way..
i miss you..
dunno when will i see you again..
but i'm missing missing missing you so much...
please remember to take your medicine..
drink lots of water..*plain water*
sleep early..no late nights..no dota...
eat healthy..
i'll be praying hard for you to get well soon.
love you **

-------------------------------------------------

studying sucks.
its hard to sit there for even half an hour reading memorising absorbing..whatever.
a week has passed.
omg.
i'm procrastinating but......
haix.
still have so much so much.
yesterday i just cried..
*stressed*


&loved you so.
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