to love &to be loved <3

27.4.05

I was freezing cold, frozen by certain factors that I won't even dare specify.
But sadly, when the ice was defrosted, The flood came...

just can't help feeling so inferior.
coz i juz suc in everithing!
wad m i gd at?
*ponders*
*scratches head*
*hmprh..*
*eh..?*
*arrgh....*
juz can't tink of anithing..
so yar..
means nth.

depression..
sadness..
can't help asking myself y m i so stupid.

loser me..

n sometimes..
life is juz so unfair..
some teachers realli made me lose all respect for dem..
n some ppl..
juz gets on my nerves when dey try to b MR/MISS NICEEEE when dey ain.
demon in disguise.

i can't conc..
i feel suffocated.
i dunno..
duno how to handle everithing..
m i exerting all dis unnecessary pressure on myself..?
i realli duno..
so wad if yes..??
i've been trying so hard to get myself outta it..
but it seems tt..
i fail..

trying to brace myself up..
coz i dowan my parents to worri....
neither do i wan dear to worri..
but i juz can't help but breakdown b4 him..
always letting him see e weak pathetic side of me..
sorri dar..
giving u so much trouble..
i promise..i'll learn to b stronger..yeah.?

i muz learn to stop being myself.

&loved you so.

21.4.05

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "how heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."

"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day,you'll have to call an ambulance. "In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on." "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can." "Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!"

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

* Never buy a car you can't push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

&loved you so.

19.4.05

yes.haf e most horrible "lunch" today.
yes.YI XIN.u u u.
ur dearest mother spoil e entire day's mood.
horrible mother horrible daughter.
you qi mu bi you qi nu.
i juz can't help it but feel so pissed.
u tink ur beloved daughter is so great?
y wud she need endless tuition.
i bet u'r those KPO idiots hu frequents e P's office everiday.
KPO ppl like U noes everithing.
CORRECTIONS.u act like your GRANNY KNOW-IT-ALL.
like hu gifs a damn blahblahblah teacher live which blk which floor.
wad occupation disidis dunno-even-who's parent is.
n hu gifs u e liberty to criticise ME.FRENZ.MY JUNIORS.
hu says dhssb n dhsco ppl produce LOUSY results?
BET UR DAUGHTER DID.
hu says u'll get lung disease from playing instru?
hahahaha.the funniest joke i've heard on earth n i'll nv forget it.
u'r those idiots tt brings trouble to cca like dhssb coz of ur irritating calls to e P complaining bout our hours.
like hu r u to even "complain" for us.
idiotic biatch.
u noe u'r e most disgusting person i haf eva seen tt made me CURSE N SWEAR so much for e 1st time in my life?
shhhesh.
n u'r like a always following whereva i go.
from loyang to dunman.
now even wanting to come temasek.
GOSH.
u wan my hp?
tink i'll gif u 999 instead.
pleaseeeee.
u say WE r e lucky ones tt got into tj..since now aggregate v low..
thanks uh.
juz sacarstically saying we'r stupid n we'r tyco to get there.
hahahahaah.ur daughter so smart..y din she get wad president scholarship..
go rgs..go hcjc next time?
lalala.
go b toilet cleaner lar.
ur dearest precious got so mani tuition..
god knows how much $ u spend on those rubbish to get her o's result next yr.
n yar yar yar.
we dun need u to teach us how to study.
OH.
n mind u......
my dearest juniors SQ0205 are a v v intelligent batch of ppl.
quality results.
n gd cca records.
u tink cca is useless coz u'r daughter noes nth bout cca.
or rather.she achieve nth?
hahaha.how pathetic right?
if my dearest juniors like gladys jonathan got SO SO Results onli...
den ur dearest baobei yixin is onli kindergarden standard AUNTIE.
no.i bet u bribe the sch to get ur daughter into dhs in e 1st place.
u noe wad.
i've nth against ur daughter or u.
in fact we r not related at all.
but u'r sucha aarseeee tt goes round criticising ppl..showing off ur daughter as if she's so great..n acts like u noe everithing.
i pity ur daughter.
for having sucha mother.
n pls haf respect for neighbourhood students.
dey r smart mind u.
u say dey haf lousy cca tt's y got alot time to study n do well.
from wad u say i can onli infer tt u say all dis to hide how lousy ur daughter is.
n neighbourhood ppl can realli do far better den dhs ppl.
yepx.
e world is so practical now coz of ppl like u.
stressing nth much studies.
pay no attention to morality.
n gess u'r so thick-skin..not knowing blatantly..everione hates u.

n she made me listen to her dung for one whole period w/o letting me to eat.
yes occasionally she wud say..y dowan go buy..?onli leaving a 3 sec pause after tt..n yadayada she went on.

gosh.

she was there b4 us.
after we left she's still there.
can u believe it.
she spends time outside dunno-doing-wad.
gossiping?
bragging?
doing kpo stuff.
not doing e household chores she's supposed to.
faints......
ill-fated husband she got.

craze of mochi is back..
n i bot two big box home..
hmmm.tummy's feeling churny now.
n oppx.
i needa go.

&loved you so.

18.4.05

hmm.gess all was a misunderstanding..
it was un-intentional i tink..
n afterall..she did care..
she did msg me..
juz tt my cock-up fone din receive as usual..

me n dear went strolling..
tok things out..
n i'm v glad..
we managed to stay =) juz before my bday..
so afterall i din haf to b under e curse of unhappy bdays alr..
again..nagged him for speeding..
den went eat fish n co together..
1st time eat tt wif dear..
quite nice..
n i finally bot e big packet of endearmints!! :D

sun went crystal jade wif parents..
wad a long queue!
wana go ding tai feng but e queue was juz ridiculously long..
hmm..realise its been a v v long time 3 of us ate out together! i'm happy~~
after tt met dear..went to watch /pacifier\..
Vin Diesel is great!!
woooo.i love PEtEr!!he's soooooo cute....
foreva farting.lol
e romanian nanny looks so morbid...gd thing she ran away at e front part of e movie =)
after tt went sakae..
ok..basically their soft shell is horribly small.
wad de hell.u pay 6.5 for a dehydrated meat-less pathetic puny crabby.
arrrrgh.
but well..
juz gotta live wif it..
since i'm happy enuff wif U ard =)

i love e precious moments pillow loadssss.
reminds me of u!
thx dearie.

got a pretty number of frenz wishing me..ard 40?
thx pals..
some realli surprised me thou..coz i din even expect dem to even noe it was my bday..
like my cousin edwin..chinkee..andrew..ems..yvonne..etc etc..
it juz made my existence felt wif those msges..
n oso thx for all e presents..

birthday wish of e year : to b genuinely happy..

&loved you so.

16.4.05

i thot i cud forget it after a slp..
but i juz cudn't stop sniffing e whole nite..

tink its juz fated..
everi yr..my birthday..
juz will b e saddest day of e yr..

my heart juz seem to contract so much now..
its so painful..
it hurts..
but no one will care animore..

no more..

&loved you so.

15.4.05

actualli i oso dunno wad happen..
but well..
definitely not a v nice thing i gess..
n i dunno y coz of dis..
i juz woke e crybaby in me..
hmm..i'm not pissed..
juz quite sad..
shan elaborate..

xx i miss u dear xx

&loved you so.

11.4.05

/house of fury*i'm impressed by e action sequences in e movie
*yuen wo ping did a great job once again!
*rather a parody,drama,action
somehow i was expecting daniel wu to haf much more shine in e show..but seems like a great talent is wasted in dis show..
thou e family values r a lil underdeveloped here..i still like dis show alot..
gess e star of dis show is not stephen..but gillian..
she's done a great job here!
p/s: daniel n gillian does haf on screen chemistry :D

dear's sick..
v sick..
been v v worried bout him since last nite..
went to c him a while after sch..
still looks sick..n he feels weak..
mc is extended..
hope he gets well soon!! *hugs*
he's sucha sweetie..
he got me a PC wallet e day he got his pay.. *n i din tell him which wallet i like..n basically he juz bingo on e right one*
he noe i'm so stupid tt i dunno how to swallow pills..
he cut all e panadols into quarters for me..
he went to pick saga seeds at night for me..
he pass me yan wo to drink..
gee..i'm juz touched.
glad to haf him in my life :D

by not spending too much everiday..
hope i'm able to gif him something everi wk ^-^
swts.chocs.snacks.necessities.
n definitely hope can add on his bb collection!

&loved you so.

10.4.05

e whole world is giving me pressure..
i feel so stressed up..
e most saddening n disappointing part is no one uds wad u'r going thru..
i realli wana do smthing to brace myself up..
but i failed again n again..
onli find myself crying in a dark dark corner...

&loved you so.

6.4.05

weather's being temperamental.
me feeling dull.un-interested by anithing ard me AT ALL.

yes its juz a dread to b a girl.
coz i dun uds y girls like to gossip (to a v v v xtreme extent tt is).
n definitely dey like to ARGUE so much..even when dey r obviously in e wrong..dey still claim tt its blahblahblah's fault n stuff.
the reason i can think of when u start to blame others on a certain thing is tt..u'r trying so hard to cover up the wrong ppl haf spotted u..if not y wud u bother to waste energy even to debate on tt topic?

dunno.maybe its juz weird me still living in e olden days.hafen e ancient thinking tt girls shud behave like a girl.
not bout condemning ppl.not bout whining,complaining n criticism.
its juz b yourself.do ur own stuff n dun get ur "mouths" on anyone.
conclusion:nv let girls haf free time.coz e moment dey r free dey engage in horrible mouth wars.

n bout e issue on first impression..
seriously i've totalli no comments..
coz real life examples haf proven me tt not-so-kind pple r owaes e most popular ones ard.

i ain no saint.just a piece of my mind.
something tt i feel.

i juz hope pple can mind their attitudes when talking or even some actions u do.
i dun gif a damn how rowdy n rude u r to other ppl or even ur family..dis i dunno.
but kindly think and process wad u r gonna shoot outta ur mouth pls..
its getting v v v irritating tt when u ask a qns politely and e person just shouts e ans back to u.ok not shout.is the tone dey gif.

sigh.
i'm damn pathetic.
dis is e onli place i can "fa xie" my feelings.
i juz don haf e courage to show tt i'm displeased.unhappy.sad.or wadever u name it.
n i juz dowan to ruin ppl's day.
i mean.yar..for my case..i juz listen..reply..sigh to myself n tt's it.

recently i've been a regular on xiaxue's blog.hmrph.personalli i like her.
e true,gutty,frank kind.
xcept when it comes to bout criticising i'm totalli not for it.
other than tt.its fine wif me.

e sms.ac thing is freaky!!
u can haf like more den 30 contacts tt u dun even noe adding n some msg being fwd-ed to ur hp.
flooding my mailbox.
arrgh.
but well.one frenster is enuff.
e sms thing is fei one.
i've no frenz connected.
juz set up e acc to stop getting requests fwd to my hotmail.

was thinking bout nice shows i've watched.
one of which tt left deep impression within me was "ha yat zam tin hau"
if i din translate wrongly shud b xia yi zhan tian hou.
a v touching show tt can move u to tears.
esp a treat to twins fans.
a show tt made dem more known to me..
n brings out e charisma in gill.
ah gill dis name realli fits her so well.
if u noe wad "jiao1" means.
anw e show's ard 2003 if i'm not wrong?
all bout *being true..being real..love..n of coz..nth comes by w/o hardwork..

i miss u.
i heart u.
yes u my dearest.
how i wish u'r here 24/7.

earplug *** Frankie J & Baby Bash - Obsession

&loved you so.