ntu soci 3rd year x))
17th april 1987
5'7 tall
I don't tolerate incongruity
Music, Dancefloor makes me come alive
A world of self denial i live
embodiment of ice
YDesires.
canon ixus 970is or
fujifilm f100d
clothes
maintain GPA of 4.0 above
happiness
pretty skin
kuantan fieldtrip from 24th to 27th mar.. quite fun bahx.. but the long hrs of travelling is a turn off. places we went..pandan waterfall(v nice!!).tekam plantation.batu hitam beach(ppl were bz picking seashells instead of looking at e basalt features).telok cempedak(clean beach.nice scenary.super breezy).caras limestone cave(so high!!220steps.gess more den tt coz we went higher!!n into the cave whr diff rituals r held).beserah road quarries(it rained!!) dey haf realli clean beaches compared to spore! food was quite sumptous for us. buffet most of e time. but we seemed to haf fried rice for everi meal uh? jerantut hill resort was a bit eerie. cudn't slp! coz all i hear was lizards tsk tsk tsk in e middle of e nite. kay n june was soundly asleep! -_- swiss garden resort was a luxury for us. something like e sentosa hotel. twin suite room for us i tink. fairly big. n tink since our room haf 6 ppl (add wenjie jieying n zirui).. e amt of shit we produced choked the toilet bowl. n i was cornered off to a puny portion on e bed.shesshhh. n i even sleeptalk e last day.juz b4 i woke up. scenary at swiss garden was fantastic! not to forget e 1 hr shopping trip.. erhem.not enuff time lar.whole world runs about frm one shop to another. clothes.bags.accessories. hmmmmmmm.i din even get anithing for myself. basically i dunno wad to buy. secondly.nth fancies me. tink spore has wadeva is there..n prices ain aniwhr cheaper too. but shopping malls r def big.
still in e hol mood thou.. n sch is getting more n more tiring.. more hw..more tests.. ah..how i wish i'm still in kuantan.. nth but sleep n eat. seafood everyday! provided i can bring dear along wif me.. it'll b juz so perfect!
i miss him loads!
i realli can't wait for yr end!! looking fwd to 18th nov. sigh.a big question mark. m i able to do well for A's? pathetic MCT results i've got even thou i passed e criteria. everyone ard me is doing far better. at least..i see As Bs Cs. wad bout me? EEEEEEEEEs.
i'm v v sleepy still. *yawns* great to noe tmr alr last day of sch. sad to say..next wk is gona b hell.
if i'm not wrong.. syf is juz bout like half a mth away..for sec sch ppl.. noe wad's my greatest wish now? to b able to play my bassoon again.. together wif everione else.. in e big big dhssb family.. but well.. its def a dream.. nth remains.. juniors-used-to-be r seniors themselves alr.. gess maybe i'm even forgotten..? but to me.. i've nv forget everi single one of dem.. esp my section..e squad i used to lead..n some other ppl.. there r so mani things tt i missed.. e urge to pursue dis dream of mine.. but at e mere thot tt its juz impossible. i realli feel like crying.. maybe i'm juz over-reacting.. everithing's changed n moved on. so do ppl change. i'm juz a passer by in their lifes.. wif or w/o my presence.. gess it no longer matters.. sometimes i wonder when last time ppl tell me dey will miss me.. do dey realli mean it..? or do these phrases still stand now? i realli wonder..
dunno whether is i miss playing in a band.. or miss my frens.. or miss my instru.. or miss my juniors.. i juz feel... empty. it juz isn't right tt i'm idling away. i realli love music. but its sucha irony i'm completely detached frm band world.. after sucha long time.. even if i wana go back again..as in swo or wadeva alumni band or wad... i've no guts. i noe myself i'm no longer e eileen ppl see me as last time.. i noe e moment i start playing ppl will drop their jaws.. gess i'll nv hear ani appraisal frm anione animore..
wad has jc done to me? or issit juz me? i dunno. i used to lead. n i love to lead. i love band. i love e big family. but wad m i doing now? juz tink i've completely lost myself.. i realli choose to b a hermit crab now. i duno wad's stopping me. but i noe there's dis big hurdle in my heart hesitating me to do anithing..or to speak.
identity crisis. n i mean it. sooner or later i realli dun recognise myself animore.
&loved you so.
14.3.05
smiling at U!
&loved you so.
i lurve yew (^-^)
&loved you so.
hmrph...
&loved you so.
"If I never met you I wouldn't like you. If I never liked you I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do and I will."
wkends haf been gr8 for me.. even thou i missed e nus open hse.. even thou it wasn't aniwhr romantic.. but it muz haf been e most peaceful wkends both of us eva had.. dear muz b agree-ing wif me..=) went IT fair.. ate marche..longjohn..ajisen.. watched /son of mask\.. it juz went on so fine..
finally i've e chance to take pics wif dear.. memories can b wif me 4eva!
kuantan trip=no seeing dear for 1 whole wk.. arrgh.can i dun go.. thurs.FRI*public hol*.SAT n SUN*wkends*.. 3 days i can b wif him!!yet i can't. so wasted. i'm so gonna miss u.. =(
&loved you so.
11.3.05
one of e finest anime i watched will b /howl's moving castle\.. to me i prefer dis to /spirited away\.. in terms of..esp e theme song!! e plot..was pretty gd..n rather touching too.. sheesh..its supposed G rated.. but there r certain points which i dun quite get e show until e end.. like how sophie cud change back into her self at nite.. sometimes during e day she tok half way she'll change too.. n definitely e eva charming howl.. e last part when he's almost dying i nearly cried.. n esp one line he said to sophie.."i've finally found someone i wan to protect.." sheesh..how i wish mr ng will get swo to play tt piece.. can i join in too?! haah i'm tinking abit far.. n i so wana watch e show again!!
/assault on precint 13\was pretty thrilling.. a genre of shows tt he has influenced me to watch all e while.. n i'm beginning to love it.. haah..but i'm still trying v hard to catch wad ppl r saying most of e time.. coz thru-out e show e most prominent word i hear is F___
feel like going on movie marathon but...... arrgh..but i shud seriously cut down on leisure time.
erhem..i wonder how ShineModels got me n jean's number.. i gess shud b frm Quest bahx.. heard dey haf some connections.. but oh well.. i'm no longer interested. jean is considering..go girl..wif ur standard u can b one of e elite there trust me =)
haha..n jean told me J was approached by teens&teenage for fotoshoot..n oso..Quest,Modelinque Management,I models r BEGGING J to join dem.. hot stuff lar.
yes..i'm seeing dear in n hr time i gess. finalli..i missed him so much..=(
&loved you so.
8.3.05
"life is not counting about the number of breaths you take..but the moments that took your breaths away.." it was one of e gist i got from "Hitch"..
gess we live to live.. n for ourselves too.. so maybe e world wud b a much better place to live in if ppl will keep comments to themselves.. or rather..ask urself how wud u feel if someone else were to say tt to u?
i.e.one v common eg will b tt u happen to see a couple on e streets..n u'll comment tt y r dey together even?? dey not pei one!! oh well..gess u juz gotta reflect back onto urself.. n tink..maybe their lives' r much more worthwhile n happier den us.. hu r we to judge other ppl..? issit coz we dun get e same type of reciprocal love on us??
n one thing isn't v gd bout quite a few ppl.. stop building ur "xi3 nu4 ai1 le4" on ppl.. when u'r so happy..u can't wait to announce to e whole world how gr8 u feel over blahblahblah..w/o realising or even caring r e other party is depressed over e thing u'r overjoyed bout.. n when u'r vexed..u vent ur frustration n haf mood swings.. yelling over small things.. being unreasonable.. hello..ppl dun owe u a living.. n e world dun revolves ard juz u..in e sense..u'r not e onli one being tied down by troubles..i mean..hu isn't??
gess e so called "inspiring" tok by e P today made mani flustered.. n paranoid too.. gess most of us will start wondering how r we gonna start to pave our way to our dream grades.. i myself wonder how m i gonna make it.. wif all e Fs now.. quite demoralised wif e grades i get..halting me frm moving on.. n perhaps..by other matters swirling in my head too..
n i wonder..being in spore.. gd or bad thing? so wad..we get our straight As.. u go out hold high positions yadayada.. n r u gonna slog ur life liddat?? i dun see grades as anithing tt impt. but in spore.sad to say. no grades.no future. despite all e wadeva crap e govt n ministry owaes try to convince ppl.. yar yar yar. just go try failng ur grades n not getting a cert. u tell me e "inspiring" examples dey state.. wad percentage do dey stand? ONE IN A MILLION i supposed. our country juz places too much emphasize on edu.. mani aspects of human r so so so neglected.
character building. gess spore ranked top from e bottom.
n u see 1 INDIAN guy n 2 chi girls sitting in e library. heehee-haha-ing all e way.... despite e whole lib is flooded wif ppl studying n doing hw.. dey continue dey Wadeva nonsense tok.. u shud hear wad dey say man. seems like dey r e most great might popular being in e universe. *yeww. n ppl looking up at dem...*coz dey r toking so loudly?!?! duh* dey glare back at ppl..murmuring at each other.. somehow swearing tt y those idiots r looking at us..n dey go HAHAHHAHAHA. continue their shit. as dey lift their butts off e chairs ready to go to hell... u could hear e horrible laughter frm dem ringing so soundly in e whole lib..even when dey'r walking down e stairs..at e lib entrance.. wad e hell lar.. n e most wonderful thing e librarian on duty goes hahahha-ing wif dem.. so wad u ppl r frm triple sci klaz.. dis is ur so called character building uh.
i can't wait for fri to come. i seriously need a break frm all dis rubbish i see everiday.
&loved you so.
5.3.05
dear said he loved e slippers.. but sad thing is tt its v v common n his gd fren has em too.. oh well..tt proves e slippers r realli v nice! :D
i did enjoy myself today.. coz u'r wif me =)
there's no need to go posh places.. dress up nicely.. go to a so called hip n cool place to go out.. it doesn't matter whr m i but hu i'm wif..
n wad's so great bout town. i dun get it. other den hafing to get specific stuff there.. i dun see e pt of ppl commuting there at least thrice a wk. u waste time travelling.. y not spend it on some other quality stuff? i'm not pin-pointing anione.. juz speaking my thots.
next wk will b e last wk of term 1.. pretty bad.. realise jc 2 is definitely v diff n much tougher den jc1. n there's more to come next term. ppl at dis time shud b toking bout quality grades.. n not being paranoid bout how much i'm near passing grade. but i'm so pathetic.. e one hu's still struggling to pass. a last test to go on 11th march. i feel realli demoralised actualli..
hmm.. u haf ppl hu looks *pretty*.. but haf no character.. n another grp will b ppl hu tinks dey r *pretty*.. n oso haf no character.. both r equalli bad.. isn't it..? starting to haf e "hen shi ji su" feeling i'm juz rather disappointed wif ppl's inner self nowadays.. sacarsm,hypocrism,n did i mention i hate ppl commenting bout how others look? sometimes ppl ought to process wad comes out frm their mouths before puking dem out.. it can either..hurt..provoke..irriate..someone.... esp when u urself r saying comments tt can fit urself perfectly as well. shrugs. yes i noe i'm being hypocrite for dis v v v 1st time. last time oso. for one gd reason.... i onli wana vent out my frustrations.... but not to start ani arguements..... or even make known dis identity of e person.... coz after tonite everithing will b washed away..
i admit i ain no saint. i've no looks no figure no brains no talent.. n esp suck at speaking coz dunno when i've picked up e habit of stuttering when i tok... my brain is dying perhaps? k tt's outta pt.. n i do bitch at times..but wif a purpose..targetting at ppl hu..... *act chio act smart act cute stuckups* n e most..i've onli 1 listener.
but at least i tink b4 i speak. none of e words prick or hurt. as in real prick or hurt..or used as a methaphor. i dun openly criticise ppl's looks n figure..coz i noe i've none.. n to those hu dun haf a great one either..shut ur mouth pls. n i realli put e ones i treasured way b4 me.. e selfless me..
i looked damn fierce n dao w/o a smile. i looked completely diff wif my smile. i noe tt.. hmm..tt's how i was born to b.. accept if u dare.
arrgh.i'm deadbeat. v tired.god knows y. anw..juz read my "bed time story by xy" haha..jingbao.... interested..u noe it girl.
oh forget 2 mention flag day was pathetic. spore sat is always a nono fready day for my mum n me. now i'm e one doing e job. n spore is infested wif tonnes of students all over e place r e ppl mad? dey wan us wif a bag full of collection yet dey make so mani ppl do e same time... ppl will get irked off by students!! shun shun shun yes n i was strandling along ulu areas... wif onli a mere 3 ppl/mim rate.. rather kind ppl.. full of golden tokens of appreciation but sadly..tt isn't enuff to feed me full.. went back wif 1/6 full? i even made own contributions. argggggh.
&loved you so.
3.3.05
i wonder.. if i eva go bak to swo next yr.. will i b able to maintain e standard..
i wonder.. if e person i'm missing rite now is missing me too..
i wonder.. will he b happy wif his surprise gift tmr..
i wonder.. m i able to make it to a course of my choice next yr..
i wonder.. will dear strive to get into same uni as me..
i wonder.. y m i treated dis way by certain ppl..
i've owaes thot as ppl grow up.. dey mature.. not juz physically.. but oso mentally n everithing.. most haf proven me rite.. but certainly there r ppl hu juz disappoint me.. in a way or another.. i expect most ppl to haf nicer character as dey grow.. since sayings owaes haf smthing to do wif u learn thru past experiences n grow wif em.. but i wonder y is __ dis way.. dunno when did i started to realise.. __'s changed.. e way __ act.. e way __ speaks.. is getting more n more immature.. to put it simple.. i tink its getting bad.. maybe i'm too sensitivity regarding dis..maybe i'm not.. i'm beginning to feel tt __ is arrogant.. maybe its e tone.. n e way __ sees things.. i dunno.. sometimes i realli wana prove wad i feel wrong.. but at times __ words can pierce thru ur heart n hurt u.. or even speaks to u in a way as if u owe __ something.. once or twice doesn't matter.. but it happen all e while.. n it made me feel like i'm __ subordinate n i'm suppose to listen to __ all e while.. no matter wad i say is right or wrong i'm given a big big demoralising reply..tt sometimes realli gets on my nerves.. haix..i reali don wish to brood over it.. so i gess..its better to remain silence.. try not to tink..thou its hard i noe.. but yar.. i juz don wish to make dis matter known to anione.. coz i dowan ani unpleasant things happening.. oh well.. bear wif it i gess..
if onli dear..u'r wif me.. i'm free frm worries..stress.. onli wif ur presence..
wheneva u ain wif me..as i walked home.. i nv fail to pass by my old blk a while to enjoy e breeze.. as i close my eyes.. i juz feel tt u'r so near.. brushing against my cheeks.. n i'll leave wif a smile..
as u walk thru citylink.. gess everione has realised tt e escalator beside singtel there.. there's dis facility for e handicapped to enable them to cross to flash n splash tt escalator.. when i went initalli.. i saw 2 caucasians.. 1 was on wheelchair n his fren..both looking puzzled.. gess dey din noe how to operate e thing.. so i went to get my stuff..it was like after 20 mins later..i walked back e same path..i saw e same 2 caucasians again.. still stuck there... i was wondering.. they muz haf swearing spore at tt moment.. n wad's e pt of hafing e facility n its so hard to operate?? coz i dun believe dey can't uds e instructions.. coz its in english. so obviously e prob dun lie wif em.. another eg tt i gess foreigners can't stand our country.. it juz leaves me pondering for quite some time over tt scene.. sheesh.imagine u'r e one on wheelchair.. u'r looking so helpless!! like 100ppl/min will pass by u..staring at u.. all dis unwanted attn.. all coz of e stupid user-unfrenly thing.
&loved you so.
2.3.05
went fer e nus geog fac talk..was kinda erhem..boring? slept thru..-_- hmm..but was part of my consideration.. but still far away!! dun even noe if i can make it since i'm still failing thru my tests.. finally passed my math test but still..fail overall.. other subx ain doing ani better..
seems tt dey realli need lotsa cheap labours again. modelinque management juz called..money earning time..but yar..i din agree.. sheesh.dun tink i've e time to afford aniway.. its time to haf a nice slp during e hols.. at e same time e looking glass ppl sms again.. its rather tempting but yar.. its a promise to ___ tt i'm not going into dis line.. n aniway i ain tt interested.. i dun like attention on me btw. i like to b low profile.. juz wan to b a simple me. after seeing so mani hypocrites n pretty ppl wif bad character n attitude turning me off.. a simple life is preferred =) heard sally is joining looking glass. oh well. all e best? thou nowadays i realli dun like ppl hu take up modelling. its a v fake industry. fake ppl indeed.
sometimes i wonder issit my sensitivity.. realise some attitude realli turn me off recently.. but i juz kept quiet.. but i juz tink its v rude.. oh well..*ren* hope dey gets better..
i miss my dear so much. he's been posted to combat engineering..quite a xiong unit i gess.. he's been so so bz dis wk.. dun even haf time to msg during e 8 to 10 period =( when he can msg i'm tired n wana slp!! arrgh.. but one thing gd is..his wkends is 4eva free frm now on..fri jiu bk out..sometimes even at noon.. quite a gd exchange uh? but i'm worried for him still.. to me he's foreva a baby tt doesn't seems to grow up..
sparklethots
