ntu soci 3rd year x))
17th april 1987
5'7 tall
I don't tolerate incongruity
Music, Dancefloor makes me come alive
A world of self denial i live
embodiment of ice
YDesires.
canon ixus 970is or
fujifilm f100d
clothes
maintain GPA of 4.0 above
happiness
pretty skin
i tried to succumb. but now i realise bad habits can't b changed. its like asking e zebra to do w/o his/her stripes. i gif up. i'm not placing animore hopes again. a world tt i shun haf stepped in. i din wan to. but i'm beginning to feel irritated.
n i can't stand ppl hu say dis in front of u.. in front of tt person..another side of story. act like they r SAINTS. so two headed.
i juz dun uds y ppl like to criticise everi single min of their everiday lives. u can like hu or wad u like. but u can't stop ppl from their own preference as well. u dun force ur thots down MY throat. wad's e pt of asking MY opinion when e purpose is juz to oppose n SHOUT ur damn objection into MY ear. wad's e pt of shouting n screaming n debating over such things. when e case is now. the LOUDEST win. n when u criticise pls look at urself. do u look better.sing better.behave better than dem? if not shut ur mouth up. i dunno y ppl nowadays r so self-centered. haf dey eva tink if e words were directed at dem instead. when ppl haf done nth wrong n u juz say dey suc.dey bitch.
if supporters of derrick n kelly cud shut their mouth n stop criticising other contestants it wud b well appreciated. if dey win. well.i dun care. if dey din. maybe u ppl r e downfall of their lost. retribution. n ppl definitely haf e talent to b in e run for a competition. like outta 5000 dey r e few hu survived. e judges ain blind. thou dey practice obvious "biasism" n if u wana criticise dem. go join e comp n fight dem out.
i'm sick n tired of hearing all dis man.
n if u ask me y i dislike derrick n kelly so much.(not i tink dey ain gd) its coz of their arrogant fans. i nv deny tt dey r gd. but i juz dowan b part of e fans.
how i WISH xinhui n junyang can win e race. n gess wad.. if derrick or kelly doesn't win.. there'll another hooha over tt.
dearr..i miss u so much.. noe recently its v v tough for u out there.. mani things happen too.. juz wana let u noe.. i wann be by ur side always.. 4ever n ever.. i luvrvee u..
my family is a v "channel-eight" thus i wud always listen to ppl telling me e results.. n i wud watched e replay on e wkends..
n i totalli had my own proj superstar winners!
-hall of fame- #dainty princess : candyce #most photogenic : silver *her smile can melt hearts of e guys out there! #stylish pretty goddess : macy! *surprised?? i used to "dislike" her..coz i haf no impression of her since i dun realli watch proj superstar...n i was utterly turned off by e advertising posters of her..e one whr her face was covered up w her messy curls lyk a siaozaboh* #best vocals tt striked me : macy n candyce *hmm.my hall of fame doesn't haf ani place for kelly.nv deny tt she's v gd.but her voice isn't tt fantastic lyk others.she juz got e best of e overall packaging u c.n definitely appeal to e judges. #my dream winner of e female lot : candyce/kelly *ruth looks so much like olinda..n she's trying v hard to act mature.. *silver has v a large pool of fans..but singing wise guess still behind kelly.. *i like candyce for her unique voice n swt appeal =)
-hall of fame- #best vocals : leon n junyang *its sucha pity leon was out! i tink he sang much much beta den derrick..his voice is -wooo- he got a nice pair of eyes..v v expressive wheneva he sings..budden..shun he avoid white colour?? brings out his flabs.. *junyang sounds a tad too much like JJ! tt's y he's as gd as him. hah..but dun haf "ge4 ren2 feng1 ge2" #girl magnet : daryl *definitely not derrick thou he's like e most popular among all girls..he's juz too Boy. daryl's more sunshine. n he got a shy smile. n he n silver so so pei! #X-factor prince : hagen! *dun drop ur jaw.it was his performance during e rivival round tt caught my attention..dunch u juz feel his voice was depicting those emotion of his? #my dream winner of e male lot : i've no idea actualli.. coz i still tink leon is e best.
basically i'm juz bored. hafen touched my 2 tests yet. was taking naps n more naps due to e condusive slping weather.
dear's hafing a tough time in camp dis wkend. hmm.its been a long time we went out for a proper movie n meal. he'll b quite bz at e time being.. n hu noes when he's free i'm preparing for prelims alr.. sigh. i realli miss him.. alot alot. been smiling at his pic like an idiot e entire noon. *oppz*
&loved you so.
23.7.05
dis was my present frm thailand (^-^ )
&loved you so.
happy birthday to our love :) *it shud b up on 12th july instead..i was juz lazi to upload*
&loved you so.
21.7.05
nth much happening lately.. nth but remedials. ystd e geog seminar was -_- maybe it was realli v informative. but juz no mood to listen! slping e entire 1 n a half hr.
tmr's dhssb anniversary n take over ceremony... i'm so dying to go man. but i'm juz so so lucky to haf math remedial tmr. its like dis is e last yr i'm able to go back looking at familiar faces.. sigh. pretty sad tinking bout dhssb. like all e happy memories will start to disintegrate after dis yr :(
scrimp n save. tt's wad i'm doing for my meals in sch. but i'm STILL financially deprived. y is tt so? ah....i realli dunno wad to do. :<
my poor dear caught a cold. had rashes ystd. din slp well. *sigh* i'm not feeling gd bout tt.
i've 2 tests next wk.
&loved you so.
18.7.05
its my hjm's 18th bday today got her a coloured striped bikini :) hmm.i noe wad u'r going thru now n hey..i'm always here if u need me.
i got a little surprise for dear. in fact. 2 little surprise. gee.i can nv eva buy enuff gifts for dearrr. i swear to shower him w gifts till he suffocates :D
sad. he mite hafta burn e wkends! can't go home. which means i can't see him. how sad is tt. v v v bad. our sakae w his bro is gone. wad's most impt is...i'm missing him so much =(
someone stepped on his fingers. #$@%#@ he's on mission for 3 days. everione dump their job to him. he din slp e entire of ystd. neither did he get to slp tonite dunno until mid nite coz he still has a road march at 10. he din had breakfast. gosh!!!! i'm bursting!! they'r ill-treated my dearest. *sobx*
ok..i finally got something for myself besides spending $ on dear n frenz bday presents. a metal case w butterfly prints tt cost 8 bucks. i juz thot it was pretty. juz wana get something for myself :)
i can't wait to get my shades. e tees. e pretty tops. same jacket for both of us. a white jacket (not e sports jacket type). espadrilles. (my mum keeps telling me i'm too tall to own ani wedges.but its awful wearing flats to more formal events like weddings etc.) couple watches. a pretty fone STRAIGHT after e end of my last A level papers.
booooo. wad a nice day to rot at home. zZzzz.
&loved you so.
17.7.05
poor dear back in army today for guard duty. ystd went cousin's wed until v late.. but well..hope he noes i'm tinking of him :)
i'm bored.
&loved you so.
16.7.05
proj superstar all along hasn't been v fantastic. juz another show to earn $ ?? (e calls) but well.. still a feast to e eyes coz.. there's candyce,silver!! :) n hope kelly can win e revital round too! actualli i quite like xinhui n candyce voice. 2 diff types of vocals. 2 diff personalities.
we finalli got our joint acc today. *happy* we'll continue working hard towards our dream de..right :) it doesn't matter how u treat me. all i wana do is to love u w all my heart n soul.
jessica alba is not onli hot. *sizzling hot* but super duper pretty....... SIGH. *look at myself. CMI.
&loved you so.
14.7.05
yupx. so now cfm+chop fail alr. FOE n a ugly D7. i myself n sick of listening bout jct-related stuff. all i noe i hate everithing (sch.noise.voices.ppl.blahblah) ard me now. so i shan say animore.
--------------------------------------------- 1. TWO NAMES YOU GO BY: a. yu2 yuan2 yuan2 b. eileen
2. TWO THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: a. overly stupid b. too dumb haha
3. TWO THINGS YOU SAY MOST: a. huh?? b. dunno leh..
4. TWO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU a. lizards b. creepy crawlies.flying insects
5. TWO THINGS U NEED EVERYDAY: a. slp n eat b. at least a swt msg frm dear
6. TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS a. fcuk b. abercrombie n finch
7. TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE KEYS ON THE KEYBOARD a. C b. Ab
10. TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: a. going out w dear b. movies,eating,shopping,anything but schooling
11. TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO REALLY BUY RIGHT NOW: a. tops,espadrilles/wedges,bag,necklace,n e list goes on b. juz gif me money
12. TWO CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING: a. urban planning n dvlp b. teacher
13. TWO PLACES YOU WOULD GO TO ON VACATION: a. France b. Madrid
15. TWO THINGS YOU DID YESTERDAY: a. met dear b. feel disappointed w myself
16. TWO PERSONS THAT YOU MISS A LOT? a. dear b. -
17. TWO FOODS THAT YOURE CRAVING TO EAT: a. nth in particular. gd food. b. -
18. TWO FAVORITE SUBJECTS IN HS/COLLEGE: a. - b. -
19. TWO OF YOUR FUNNIEST MEMORIES IN JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL? a. i was in chinese dance b. i luv everi single bit of things n ppl back den
20. TWO PERSONS THAT COMES TO YOUR MIND NOW? a. dearr b. mummy
21. TWO ELEMENTARY FRIENDS YOU LIKE TO SEE RIGHT NOW? a. sally b. hazel
22. TWO COLORS YOU LIKE? a. red b. pearl
23. TWO HIGHSCHOOL FRIENDS YOU WANT TO TALK TO? a. yaqi b. rosanne
24. TWO PLACES YOU LAST WENT TO? a. sch b. white sands
25. TWO PERSONS YOU'D WANT TO KISS AND HUG? a. dearr b. mummy
26. TWO LAST THINGS YOU WERE IRRITATED ABOUT? a. i me myself b. BBBBBBBB
27. TWO LAST THINGS YOU CRIED ABOUT? a. my stupidity b. everything bout me
28.. TWO LAST THINGS THAT MADE YOU HAPPY? a. tt precious thot figurine b. call frm dear :) ------------------------------------------
tmr's friday. FINALLY.
&loved you so.
13.7.05
i freaking hell dunno wad's e criteria to "fulfill" in order to get an invitation for my parents to sch. till now i still dunno if i've passed chi. i'm not sure if i've passed geog. neither m i sure if i've hit D7 for gp. n i dun see a need to whine when i do badly. i dun see it necessary to go bug e teachers for marks or wadever. all i noe is..i'm v disappointed w my results. n definitely..i feel i'm being sucha let-down to my parents.
e horrid feeling of "Dread-stepping-into-sch-n-klaz" is back. how i wish i'm deaf. how i wish i'm blind. so tt i can haf PEACE.
n i suddenly feel i'm an animal tt feeds on glass.
e world has desensitised itself.
dear i luv ur precious thots figurines, they r juz nth but so swtt.. its supposed to b "celebrating e bday of our love"..smthing liddat.. ystd was our 13mth anni :) i still rmb.. our 1st movie *officially* together was /windstruck\!! 1st yr together we watched 41 movies :> plus 1 b4 we'r together../the best bet\ -_- dis mth got 3 onli.. spending lesser n lesser time w u ler.. missing u alot alot everiday. juz wann let u noe.. i'm willing to do anithing to make u happy.
suddenly thot of buying something for XX.. den i wonder.. y m i spending so much $ even.. when XX... haix. actualli i alr "xin hui yi leng" on dis frenship le.. i noe i can nv place too much hope in it..not animore.. suddenly flashes of a number of incidents n things i did for XX.. i realise.. much of it wasn't reciprocrated. hmm..if its e case..i wun mind so much. but i juz feel..its more of not appreciated. oh man.... y m i adding more troubles to myself? i'm sadded enuff w everithing...........
&loved you so.
10.7.05
thx everione for ur encouragement.. thx dear..for being by my side always..(u opened ur arms for me when e rest gave up on me) i noe i've wetted ur shirts dunno how mani times le.. *oppx* i've cried enuff ystd.. n i promise myself tt it'll b FIRST n LAST time i'm crying over such silly stuff. n pls for e meet parent session..can i haf another hod or wad instead rather den *Erhem*? coz i can't stand *erhem* for goodness sake. so wad i fail 3 subs? i'll prove tt "failing=not studying" theory is all BULLSHIT some day.
/hotel rwanda\ is helluva film. hate n human decimation. heart-wrenching n agonizing. i realli wonder how mani ppl can b like him outta 6m world pop.. tt r able to widen their circle of compassion in such deep dimension of violence in tt kinda chaotic situation..
thx for driving me ard dear :D we shared the *yao cai huang di ji* (herbal chicken) together for lunch.. tt hawker centre sells so mani gd food! whr's tt huh?old airport rd there issit..?? oh den we had fried hokkien mee n oyster omelette for dinner! sad tt we cudn't catch fantastic four ystd. desiree0705 is tempting. sigh. but nvm..at least i finalli got my kenzoki eye cream..tt's for 75bucks.(hrmph....) n i had great fun ystd *hugs*
wanted to get some clothes. but decided tt'll b prob after GSS. i juz can't stand the sight of samuel n keith (tm).. its like..issit a shop animore?? more like dey'r playing scavenger hunting inside! whole load of ppl inside scouring thru e pile of "ravelling" clothes. n posters of clearance sale r stuck all over e place. cud e ppl in there been trampled to death?? -_-
everiwhr is e same basically. u see huge posters of "70%/50% storewide"..u see crowd. no posters no crowd. as simple as tt. mango is becoming a fish market as well..b it in isetan or orchard.. mphosis is like so calmm on e other hand. *hmprh*
personalised shoes frm adidas! *ponders*
&loved you so.
7.7.05
nobody said it was easy.. but nobody said it was dis hard.. y m i back to e start?
i'm freezing cold. frozen by a dozen of factors i dun dare to specify. things r getting a lil' blur myself. whr shud i go to? n sadly..if one day e ice defrost.. e flood probably came..
everithing i've been doing.. has consistently drawn me into a much more tired pace.. i'm indeed tired of running walking thinking n a whole lot of other things.. i'm draining out.. possibly leaking out..slowly..but surely.. it seems tt my ability of coping with stress is decreasing drastically.. everithing's almost nearly outta my ctrl.. or has it alr been tt way?
i'm beginning to feel awkward.. but i still duno how can i b so non-chalent and brave in front of others.. but i can't do tt in front of i me myself?? i swear i stayed in the toilet for 50mins plus. part of it bathing..part of it stoning? dunno if i cried.gess i did.not sure.coz i'm under e strong gush of showerrr splattering so hard on my head n i prob forget tt i'm in there for so long.
n i rmb i spent 10 bucks at e malay western food stall buying 8 chicken wings n 1 packet of fries. tt was my lunch. prob tea?since its alr 330. was tinking y din i die of blood clotting or sudden heart attack. maybe..8 wasn't enuff to achieve tt.
HOLYSHIT. i juz can't stand e sight of B. yes hello u din score a single digit. issit necessary to cover ur marks so tightly? damn u.no one wud b interested lar. mite as well hide in one corner n seal up ur entire paper. e fan wun blow ur papers n u wun need to frantically PLUS desperately struggle to cover ur marks. all i noe u get something with a 6_ shun u b proud of ur great achievement. actualli u fail of top e class has nth to do with me. absolutely NTH. but stop ur whiny shit for goodness sake! u'r irritating e hell outta me! i juz haf 101 things to list down bout B's characteristics. not tt i luv her so much. usually i cudn't care less bout ppl hu has nth to do w me. so u shud noe how irritating dis person is. n since e job of dentist is taken up. i wana b e seamstress. sew up e big fat mouth. yes i'm mean. hu cares aniway? i'm not feeling right either.
i noe chances of meeting the P is now cfm+chop 95%. unless.miracles do occur. not a sudden "ting!" tt i can use a magic wand n alter my marks.. but e criteria to meet her. but well. i'm getting fearless. issit a gd or bad thing. hah. e same old things they will yadayada away.. n all u do is sit there listen n nod ur head. letting dem telling u "u ain working hard enuff..u needa conc more..." like hello lar. even e kopitiam ah soh knows how to tell me tt. go ahead n equate fail with lazy. go go go. u win.
i really wish i can haf a new fone.
&loved you so.
4.7.05
encounter 1 i hate it when u'r trying hard to care for a fren. trying hard to maintain e frenship btw u n her. but yet she's like taking so easy. u tried asking her out.or msg her.or tok to her. but u feel she's still unwilling to break thru e walls n come forth wif u. seriously u'r starting to ponder. r u "one-sided-ly"treating her as ur best fren. n holding on to dis frenship when she has long disregard u as one of her MANY gd frenz. u wana care bout her.concern bout her life n everithing. u oso wish to noe wad does she tk u us after mani mani yrs of frenship. but.u juz lack the guts to do it. sometimes watching her joke n laff w others.ur heart tears within. n wonder does she even rmb ur existence. somewhr.some place. on planet earth.someone's longing for her warmth n smile too...
encounter 2 u too.care alot for dis other fren. which oso implies u tk into consideration her feelings too. wheneva she's sad.she's down. u dun feel gd.u wana her smile again. u put down e "hatred" within u wheneva she's in gd mood whr she's desensitised of ur feelings. u dun realli hate her. but u sometimes realli hate her for her cruelity towards u. u thot u cud accept the change in her over e yr. but it seems like u r hafing a "preferential treatment" diff frm others. to make urself feel beta.u tell urself maybe tt's bcoz u'r her gd fren. but sadly.her attitude her happiness is built on ur wound. feeling lonely.in despair. u wonder again.r u again "one-sided-ly" treating someone as ur best fren when u'r like one in a million of her gd frenz. or does she even care a hoot of ur existence at some pt of time. nahx. at least wheneva she's down.troubled.sad. she needs u. u shud b happy tt u can b "useful" sigh.
------------------------------------------------- i feel so hurt hearing dis comment. "not tt u can't haf wad u wan.if u'r smart n gd in ur studies i can willingly buy everithing for u.but u'r now so lousy so stupid.doing so badly in ur studies.spend so much $ on u alr but u'r still so stupid...yada yada." i hate it when ur mood suddenly change n start screaming shouting n nagging at me. disregard of my feelings.. i told u e price of tt pair of shoes alr.u heard me din u? if u din wan me to buy it y even bother walking me back there? if u din intend to buy tt bag.y did u bother even bringing me back there thrice. asking if i wan it n discussing which size is beta. n suddenly ur mood changes n u start nagging me y i keep pestering u to buy all those things.. i've grown up. i'm not e little girl who wails n pester mummy to buy dis buy tt. yes i told u i like tt pair of shoes n bag. but if u firmly say a "No".. i wun even tink bout it animore.coz i noe myself dey ain tt cheap afterall. but u'r e one hu gave me hope n showing u haf e intention to buy it. n when we reached home u juz scream e hell at me. n shouting tt i dun need anithing when i'm so lousy in my studies.
yes. not forgetting tt u'r juz like those teachers. equating failing as not studying. i thot u uds.. i'm not tt sad if u juz plainly scream at me.nag at me. i'm hurt at e fact tt u dun uds me at all..
------------------------------------------------ i'm waiting n waiting.. its been months tt u've updated tt blog.. i'm waiting n waiting.. for e day u finally will stand by ur countless promises. i'm waiting n waiting.. i dunno wad i'm waiting for.
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i noe i myself haf lotsa flaws. i can b ugly.stupid.useless.lazy. but all i ask for is so simple. so simple...
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all i rmb was i went to bed in tears. opened my eyes in a soaked pillow tt nv dry for 6 hrs. typing a blog w a soul-less body. i'm tired. i'm realli tired of everithing.
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&loved you so.
2.7.05
i cry a tad too much. i dun wana rmb anithing.. but all i wana noe is..no matter wad..i'll nv leave u de. i love u dearr.i realli do!! nv wana leave ur arms. NEVER! :D
war of e worlds..realli nice effects.. but whole plot is wobbly!
juz came across a pic of fannwong. n thot of few mths back i saw her.. yes.she's my mediacorp goddess. fairlady!
tt day was rotting. den was thinking.. if given a chance..hu i wan to take fotos with??i mean artises.. den i tink..fannwong!fionaxie!!qiyuwu!!tt's all..onli local ones..coz u noe..its totalli impossible tt i'll eva bump into ekin and kellychen.
oooh. before e movie..we ate at suki sushi...due to time constrain..we onli had 1 soft shell crab n 2 plates of sushi..so cheap!!! pls dun go century square sakaeeee. coz their size of e soft shell crab is onli 1/3 of tt u get in bugis sakae -_- we ate at /bi feng tang\ today!!! walked a few times past b4 decide to go in!.. reason: coz there isnt' a single soul inside! ok..till now i still dun get y issit so empty when food there is 100 times beta den jade.n of coz beta price! oh.n e moment we went in 2 other tables came in consecutively too.. =) even dearrr agreed tt e food there is nice!! ah! n..e table beside us damn heng lar!!! dey ordered roast duck..yet e person gave our chicken to dem... wrong order obviously. n those idiots juz so so so act innocent n ate our chicken halfway b4 telling e person it was a wrong order... how smart!!! dey can't differentiate btw chicken n duck meat... n dey got a replacement!! n when we got our chicken...so so worried we got their leftover. but heck. it was too nice to care bout all dis..*gee* smmore our chicken more ex den duck nor... &^^$#% y wasn't a wrong order to us leh!!! n yar!! scallop wif mango roll.. yet..outta e 4 rolls..u can onli find mango n half a scallop. lolx.
a hole in my pocket today! but..worth it. *cfm+chop*
i need a waredrobe revamp. i realli need clothes. but i realli dread GSS. u get so frustrated seeing ur "loved" ones hafing the big big NETT sign standing w poise beside e grp of clothes..w an even bigger sign which says *50% off. n i hate e sight of untidiness!! seriously i tink working in GSS has one gd pt. u dun realli need to refold e clothes. it'll b messy aniway! lolx. i still rmb last yr levis wagon sale i was popping by... i was one jeans wif an enormous hole at a super unsightly place. sobx.i pity e poor person hu bot it!!! cheated so yar. i still prefer to shop when there's no crowd.no sale. it doesn't matter if u juz hafta pay more. at least e crowd.e untidiness.u queue.e mess dun affect ur mood.
n arrgh..i still hafn catch initial D. so yar..tues!! next ones i MUZ watch : fantastic four.the island.sincity. e next 2 r...watch if i haf the time : batman and wetdreams II. GREEN CHAIR!!! k dear i noe tt show alr. i saw e trailer dunno when.dunno whr. its damn nice!
4 days to numb urself b4 getting back ur death penalty. countdown :3 days.
&loved you so.
1.7.05
e whole bunch of dear's unit out there at wildwiildwet.. hope he enjoys himself too..
so i've 4 packets of jacknjills chips.2 wedges frm marks n spencer.carlebeeee.chocs.many others by my side now. wad now.u shud now. STUFF myself wif all of dem. -sigh-
i wish for a strawberry margarita and mango martini now. *but i wun* i dowan tink animore!
i noe i'm a failure. in everything. sigh..it pains me to see my mum wake up so earli w me during exams.. preparing my breakfast..n to make myself happier i suggest her to feed me dis morning n she did.. at tt instance..i realli feel like crying! juz rmb how i was so mean wheneva i argue wif her.. those periods r over. OVER! i'm loving my parents.all my loved ones.(dearrr) n no matter wad i've nv shouted or even raise my voice at dem. no need to swearrr.coz i will nv do it.
tmr's day out wif dearr. hope everithing b fine :D
was tinking..it'll b v v v v nice n romantic (note:its not childish) to honeymoon at disneyland! but well.its still long way ahead. for now.. i noe i'll cherish all e lil moments out w u!
btw...kenzoki has realli gd skin care products. n..for a cheaper alternatives of exfoliator w equalli up-to-standard effects like clinique pore minimiser... ginvera green tea marvel gel is realli great. not onli its cheap..its gd for sensitive n dry skin individuals.. no coarse beads at all..juz gel tt's so soothin n after use..skin is realli damn baby smooth n rids 90% of dead skin! elizabeth arden green tea oso is quite gd too.. realise..green tea products r realli gd for us! :D
yes.now for a face mask n nap.
&loved you so.
yes jct's over. felf as if i juz had a mass diarrhoea. i had geog.math.gp.chi. but seriously after much thot.. i haf no confidence of passing anione of dem. maybe chi?? but its still too earli to say..but yar..juz hope wad i've written was sensible.. e others..i dun haf much hope upon dem.. i noe too well wad kinda marks i'll get.. sometimes i juz hate myself so much.. not tt i nv spend time studying.. in fact i sometimes felt so unbalanced tt another person hu doesn't put in as much effort as i do cud get a C at least easily.. i was nv liddat b4! so wad cud haf happen.. i dunno.i realli dun. mind u..nv once in my life i'm struggling in a sch whr i'm e bottom 10% of e whole cohort.. u maybe say..y sad? u'r alr in a jc! which means u're like top 20-40% in spore! but well..jc so wad? poly students can earn more den us if dey wan to. suddenly i feel sucha disgrace.. if i din study n i juz stare blank at e paper.. its my fault. but y m i staring straight at e paper.. cud feel it even penetrating so deep into e papers.. yet nth comes outta my head? a complete blankout. n its juz not one qns. its e entire paper.. -sigh- i nv had such phobia for exams. i dun even rmb panicking during ani of my papers b4 jc days.. so wad is e prob.. i dunno.. n its v tortorous to lead such a life.. sigh. all i keep telling myself is.. study harder!! do well next time!! but i've had too much "next time"... nth but more disappointment to come..
sparklethots
