ntu soci 3rd year x))
17th april 1987
5'7 tall
I don't tolerate incongruity
Music, Dancefloor makes me come alive
A world of self denial i live
embodiment of ice
YDesires.
canon ixus 970is or
fujifilm f100d
clothes
maintain GPA of 4.0 above
happiness
pretty skin
Worklist for 31st jan and the coming weekend *5 readings for HS203 tutorial tomorrow on feudalism, capitalism, agrarian economy, ... *read communication textbook chapter 4-7 *research for articles on public admin project and do 2 literature reviews *read public admin textbook chapter 1-3 *watch video and do assignment on H20 website *read Quantitative social research textbook chapter 5-8 *finish up all the readings for Culture, self & identity (which amounts to how many centimeters of paper) *communication presentation =( mid term tests, presentations, projects, report writing yew.... can't even enjoy CNY.
university life sucks. school fees is soooooooo expensive. textbooks are sooooooooo expensive as well.they should provide us with free textbooks! lecturers are seriously overpaid in my context.
i've decided not to buy any laptop at the moment... unless this computer of mine can't last till my 4th year.. its quite dumb having 2 coms when i don't really need it most of the time. i'm saving up for a gift..hopefully by mid year i would have that amount..perhaps the price of the thing i want to buy has decreased =)
liping cousin's wedding today..just came back from their house.. later going for the dinner.. and coincidentally..evin's her hao jie mei =) the whole gang is like the johnnie walker + jack daniel girls...how many dozen years ago..i'm young* though i look even older than some of them...
i want to cycle. i want the sea breeze. hope the weather turns fine soon~
i'm such a bloody bitch now why am i so extravagant hai..perhaps i'm trying so hard to live in my dreams to have everything in the world i want to eat all the delicacies in the world to do anything i want to be happy every second
i want a flawless face i want pretty nails i want many clothes not for others to see or show off. but for the someone who seem so useless in the real world.. that can provide the only plastic happiness she can gain from these seemingly..material stuffs.. people may think its bullshit but each and everyone has their own little wish isn't it? i just hope..for happiness.. perhaps one day when i no longer indulge in material wants.. i've indeed achieve my true happiness
i have a future career in mind but my parents are not supportive because of its heavy work load and pathetic pay SIGH
&loved you so.
25.1.07
just laugh it off, then no one will see the tears within me.. i really wish i can go to the exit of my world now.. i'm really so tired.. The only image I see of myself is the one in the broken mirror of my soul...
i don't understand a single thing in lectures.. i can't absorb my readings.. i can't concentrate in school or at home because there's something grabbing onto me i can't move.. i'm feeling so troubled but don't know who to turn to.. i end up giving bad attitude at my mummy..which i definitely don't wish to.. i'm constantly throwing temper @ myself.. i want a peaceful, carefree and happy life i can look forward to every morning when i open my eyes.. yet the feeling is like having no fear of death in me, but a fear that I will still be living the next day taunts me..
i hold back my tears behind my doors.. i tell myself..that the only place to cry is in my dreams..
why did god create man? human are the most intelligent species in the land of nature.. animals suffered underl the guns and choppers of hunters, etc.. human suffered under the whirlpool of emotions..
if i'm heartless, i would care less. if i've changed, i would not be troubled.
i'm really feeling so exhausted.. i want to rest.. can i? may i? should i?
i don't know.. guess tears can no longer solve one's problem..
&loved you so.
24.1.07
yesterday was exactly one month. seeing you this way my heart just quinched in pain. i'm sorry.
&loved you so.
21.1.07
i'm utterly screwed up. my mind's in a mess. the more i think.the worse it gets.
i thought i really got angry. but i guess, i was never angry at all. just sad, just disheartened..
whole load of work and readings stacked on my desk.. but i've no mood to meddle with it.. this semester i thought i could focus and do well.. but it turned out vice versa..
its not a great 2007 to start with.. neither will i have a happy cny..
only tv, nail art/spa, food can provide me solace.. even though.. just momentarily..
i need it badly.
&loved you so.
18.1.07
i'm kicking alive but my brain is dead i'm absolutely tired but i didn't manage to catch a wink last night i'm officially brain dead but there are 1001 things going through my mind
hah.my new year resolution is to be HAPPY and i ought to be SMILE SMILE SMILE
someone just give me a tight slap alright when something's not right i feel like splurging again though this time round i don't have the resources to do so
oh well its schooling time tata
destiny is in our hands. then i think my hands are too small.
&loved you so.
17.1.07
just when i start to have peaceful nights.. i woke up in tears and fear last night.. and can't go back to sleep anymore..
why am i always led by others.. why can't i make decisions by myself.. why?
why no one is willing to sit down and hear what i've to say and how i'm feeling.. and its always the other way round?
doesn't mean that i look happy means i'm happy doesn't mean that i don't complain means i don't have any complaints doesn't mean that i'm easygoing means i can be controlled
but it always is the case why can't i have an identity of myself?
yes. all runs down i'm the bad one.
&loved you so.
16.1.07
in a dilemma..
sigh.
actually i've not been happy at all.. i'm just living in self denial all the while.
&loved you so.
15.1.07
a very tiring day at school..probably due to the 4hour break.. stoned @ library 2 basement..which was freaking quiet and a little stuffy/warm.. made me sooooooo sleepy =( recently the topic my friends have was always on MY appetite. worms-->snake-->dragon. so it grew..no wonder i'm never full nowadays. but i'm trying to control tight of budget.i mean really tight.already running into deficit.
spent a tad too much in the hols.. on clothes,bags,accessories,FOOD,...and also my mum's stuff.. my pay is already gone.. not to mention the number of textbooks i've to bought and yet to buy.. and the necessities a.k.a must haves.. transport..and my meals.. before i worked in dec i've already spend quite a portion of my initial savings on dates,gifts,feasting.. shrugs..MONEY.i can't wait for may to come..i need to work. wanted to take up part time but i'm simply so tired. work is piling hard.. this sem sucks remember?? and jen didn't bank in the extra $300 into my account. guess i don't want to bug her anymore..in case she decided not to take me for may,june,july.
i'm glad i don't have lessons on wed, which means i'll be home feb 14th.. i can eat sleep and watch tv =)
was thinking what should i do for my 21st birthday bash.. but before anything could take place.. i better start saving money and stop eating and eating non stop like a freak.
&loved you so.
14.1.07
jane's grandma was hospitalised in the middle of the night..thus we didn't meet up yesterday for ktv..and felt a little dumb just to dropped by @ esplanade to cut cake with the birthday girl jen.. thus we got WL to buy her present and pass to her instead..
so i rotted @ home..perfect weather to sleep.. but i didn't. wanted to read my huge pile of readings.. I did.. just one pathetic chapter out of a dozen. HAHA..
and started sobbing in front of the tv watching (Siu Yu Yi Yu Fa Mo Kuet), that nicholas tse and dicky cheung show..how touching!!!
&loved you so.
12.1.07
jen gave us an early birthday treat yesterday after school.. poor girl the nus girls can't make it so that makes her the odd one out of all the ntu peeps =) weather totally sucks. rained like mad and stupid b suggested a no shelter food centre.. but seafood was good and cheap!! but the guys admit total defeat when we finished eating because i was still hungry.. and we order bbq wings =) not full yet though..hah..then we went pacific coffee for a while. since it was raining tab drove us out to the bus stop..she is endangering us with her kopi license though..hah..
still have not shop for her present yet..tomorrow that is.. running low on budget but guess the guys are willing to pay abit more. she wants a jacket..so probably get her that 129 bucks adidas jacket.
luckily i don't have anymore january babies friends. hah..the next one is feb 5th...HMRPH =)
recently eat like no one's business.. wondering..am i eating because i feel like it.. or..there's just something..bothering me.. i don't know nobody will know. not even myself.....
i wish i had the answer...
but i'm equally lost..
&loved you so.
11.1.07
to my dearest HJM: greatest apologies go to you!! i know we're supposed to meet like 2!$@^%%$& years ago but due to work..its been postponed.. and now school has started..due to our clashing timetable..its getting so hard to arrange for a time together..yesterday something cropped up last minute but i guess you didn't receive my sms the previous night..SORRY!! but i really looked forward to our meeting next saturday!!
i'll do the necessary compensation though..and how i wish you have any problems you can ring me up and talk!! i don't remember you ringing me up though. perhaps we see each other too often in JC times already we don't have the habit of chatting over the phone..we see each other 24/7..LOVES =)
school has started..this semester is going to suck even though i've a pretty nice timetable.. the core modules are freaking hard..and there are not much assignments to help though.. one of the modules' examination carries a damn 70% weightage..and i'm one who doesn't do well in papers..i'm so dead..sigh. there are presentations too.. it'll really be a miracle if i manage to get straight Bs already.. there's a module on world economy..guess i'll need to dabao this one =(
4 textbooks to buy.. hundreds and thousands of readings waiting to be printed.. HAI~~~~
my pimples that i thought had subsided have taken a REVIVAL.
xmas is like long over..and its weird to give people xmas presents. so i'm doing it with vday presents instead.. and since dearest hjm already got herself a HOT DATE.. i'll juz deliver my present to her and vanished into thin air.. (by the way..the guess wallet on your wishlist..maybe that'll come in as your birthday present..hah..though that's like half a year away..=x must save up mar!!)
perhaps go for a candlelight dinner with khinewa..hahaha.. or just be a couchpotato at home munching tidbits watching tv =)
not to forget my sister fu..the busy climber girl.. let's set our date on 24th =) let you have time to heal you tooth! hAHAh..
life's seemingly fuller on the whole for me.. but deep within..guess its empty like never before.. as loneliness starts to creep up.. guess i gotta learn to be stronger to adapt to these changes.. and putting on a smile in front of people regardless of my mood is my slogan.. i can do it.
&loved you so.
4.1.07
*pull hair* *scream out loud*
why can't i even lead the life of a normal girl like everyone else?!
&loved you so.
3.1.07
appetite is still growing. my colleagues are amazed at first. but soon the guys convinced to girls they are totally stunned at the rate i'm eating despite the guys are already very full. now people are asking me every hour "you hungry yet not?" haha a mental disorder that converts to an eating disorder perhaps i said i was insane. i think i'm. i've done too many crazy things recently.
my manicurist did my nails for me and i'm very satisfied with her retro piece of work =) =) we hit off pretty well and we talked alot. BUT to my disappointment her colleague asked me how long i've been married. she thought i just hit my big 3s (when i have not even hit my big 2s) QING TIAN PI LI i tell you she was so embarrassed when chloe told her i'm her age.LOL chloe assured me that its ok.because chao lao people have an advantage when they really hit their 30s.since they'll still look like their 20s =)
i have not received my timetable yet ntu is sooooooooo inefficient. but i just realised i'm having SHIRLEY SUN again!!! can thunder just strike me AGAIN? i told myself i'll never choose a module that she is lecturing. but i've no choice because this is our core. GOSH.. even though i don't know how the hell i get an A for her module last semester.. doesn't mean i like her to teach me again. i got my A because of my textbook. i learnt nothing from the tutorials.worse still.nothing from her lectures.only makes my heart boil~! there's J.London again.. i'm terrorised by his type of lecturing though its quite interesting. i hate participation. especially in a big crowd. then there's G.Benjamin. goodness i can't figure out what he's talking.. i'm sorry i've nothing against him but he's too soft for me and i can't apprehend his kind of accent =( i'm so dead i've doubt whether i'll get my GPA 4.0 next semester.........
SIGH. memories.. bitter sweet and sad i've had them all...... i can only say the nice ones i'll never forget.. and they are held truly to me.. but what i need now is my own sphere to explore my own life..
sparklethots
