to love &to be loved <3

29.6.05

yes i do onli haf 2 papers left. math n lep..
sigh.
but after e numerous shockwaves running thru my brain esp after human geog..
i'm so numbed!
gp..yes my eng suck..n i cudn't realli uds wad e passages r toking bout..which makes me rather slpy doing tt 1 n a 1/2 hr paper.
even thou i spend my june hols all on geog..(geog is draining away all e precious time!)..phy geog was..erhem..okok la..shud b able to pass..human geog was like...gosh..i scan thru all qns even like 3 times i dun even noe wad qns i m suppose to choose n do..drq was shit..e diagrams were all nth but symbollic egyptian inscriptions..best thing was i chose an essay which i cudn't do n uds...onli after realisation after doing e 1st part..double sigh.
now wad.math n lep..i hope all dis last min preparation for dis 2 papers worked (since i spent all my time on geog).
arrgh..i realli hate exams.
n its not tt i nv put in effort to study.
i swear my life i was room all day.even minus all e tv watching session at least...i noe my phy n human geog stuff quite well in my headdddddd.
god noes wad e hell is playing tricks on me.
u shud haf seen e amt of sweat on my hands when i saw e human geog qns n diagrams!!! prints cud b seen on my paper!
dunno y issit so..tt i nv felt any tinge of stress during pri sch..or even sec sch...
yet i dread tests..exams..schs so much now.
muz b growing stupider.
muz b.
i used to get scolded by my father v v v badly when i scored 95 for math in pri sch.
my mum was saying maybe dey ain giving ani pressure to me now tt's y i'm soooo stupid.
*boo. muz b.

can't b bothered.
i alr told my father to get ready to see n p n lose face..(unless i can pass my math n lep..he'll b spared the honour to go sch)..
sat sun mon tues.
4 full days to distant myself frm words n papers..
i'm so gonna make full use of em.

yes i wana splurge.
like e 1st time in my life i eva use dis word on myself.
i wan my fcuk skirt.my espadrilles.my face spa.my going-to-finish products.my chanel purrrrfum.chanel blusher.pepper red flats.tt damn guess bag to substitute my fetish for tt horrible pretty chanel bag.
ah.u noe if i were to find all e abv..i'll prob pay 1000 for all.haah.
n i had started wif my 4oz cleanser.prob can last 1 n 1/2 mth? so yar..e money is quite worth it.its like e best cleanser for me since i haf the combination type of skin..perfect for dry skin me.thou yar..doesn't haf wunderful smell like those u find in watson..but wad's impt i dun get horrible acne outburst or flaky skin wheneva i had a switch to clinique.
yes i'm toking bout exam-non-relating stuff at e moment...
vent my desperation to get out of e torture tornado.
yes i dreamt of hafing tea in Vtea at esplanade...
splendid!too gd to b true when i smell my caramel butterscott sauceeeeeeeee.
den when i woke up i haf e sudden crave to go down esplanade rite away..not to vtea..
but e french or spainish restaurant there for lunch.
nth special bout it but awwwwwww.it was e complementary goodies tt is more appetizing..
e cakes n eclairs esp!
k enuff of all dis 'westernization'.
i miss e tamp blk 800+ rojak..oh luar..(oyster ommelette)..

yes i'm hafing sucky exams n dear's off to a new unit...
his new camp is at bedok..i realli haf no idea whr issit as i onli noe e changi campsite which i pass by everi wk during my sec sch days to ms chung's hse.
n he's quite slack now..like nth to do everiday in bunk..slp n rot??
n he's to wildwildwet on dis fri..
not a fantastic place but....y r ns peeps hafing such luxurious treats today?!
unfair.
i dun see my dearest college organising a trip to zoo even.

yes i miss u!!
so pray hard u dun haf e damn livefiring prac next wk so tt u can b free for me whole wk.
we'r so going for our movie marathon!!! :D
yeah.n a treat to ourselves wif gd food as we promised.
n more of foto taking session!
hmmmmmmmm.n i noe u went thru alot to buy my i weekly for me!! coz its so last min i gess alot places dun sell alr rite...lurve u to bits!
n i'm going to learn driving after A's..smthing to b elated bout..yeps.plus saving up for my lancer.
to digress abit...can anione tell me wad's e use of studying so hard n get urself all fused up when 99% of wad u studied now (for majority) has no relevance to ur life or even work in future??...
stress makes ppl age more.
so wad's e fuss bout ageing population out there..
when i feel BR DR replacement level is secondary to wad e govt has done to her precious earthlings in spore.

&loved you so.

24.6.05

phy geog - finished.
no pt complaining bout those $%$#^%# how badly i done.
results matter.
coz 2 types of ppl complain...n dey yield 2 diff type of results..
one type get A still worry..in e end A is still there..
one type realli worry bout failing..dey get a E dey happy...F..disappointed..

sorry dear can't pei u watch initial D.
hugs.thx for being understanding..
u'r my bestest.
glad to see u back...fine..
grown darker..thinner..(away w ur tyre) =x..
n of coz dun say u ugly.
coz u'r always e shuaiest to me.
nth else matter.
haf faith in u n me!

i shall look fwd to 1stjuly.
my onli motivation.
shop till i drop.ahah.
movie time!

there's a blur woman out there hu misuds wad i meant towards another individual.
how i wish...it was her hu see e pt..
not u.
sigh.

arrgh!! exam sux.

&loved you so.

20.6.05

k..damn it i wana watch initial D.
coz of the fab cars there..
nissan skyline..*k nth new..* but still zhai :D
plus..shawn yue is driving it!
budden..heard he onli got a lil part in e show..
all thx to ........
mazda rx VII!!
i luv it.
Evo III...hmmprh.y isn't it EVo VII or VIII ? :(

&loved you so.

19.6.05

sour plums.
spicy cuttlefish.
they r so so addictive.
juz thot of mochi.
missing u again!
coz they r ur faves :)

den a few days back dreamt of u for lyk..erhem..2-3 days!!
can't c u in reality.
meeting u.looking at u.smiling at u is a gd substitute.
n it was a wonderful dream.
coz we'r at a beach resort!!
n no one's ard!

oh ya.
ystd dream of sitting in teeejay lib wif paMela!
-_- wad were we doing?
singing hong lou meng....
*double faints*
n in my dream she got dis real funky hairstyle.
in e middle strip was dyed electric green.
n she tell me it goes well wif our uni!

fri fri fri!
thou i hafta sit for sucky phy geog paper.
which i hafen started on it.
i'm looking fwd.
coz finalli can c him le!!
k i'm mad.i dun get my priorities rite.

&loved you so.

18.6.05

ok.5 more days before dear's back in spore.
i miss u lots!!
i noe its tough down there..
n being as usual..injury prone..u hurt ur hand rite?
bet there's more!
he's making me v v v v v worried for him!
medic centre again.
tell me boy..how can i prevent u from all dis? =(
every nite nv fail to send my prayers over..
I love u dear.dun say i dun :

&loved you so.

alwaes wana be wif u my dear =)

&loved you so.

i swear to b a beta driver den him next tym!!

&loved you so.

17.6.05

our fave huggies.

&loved you so.

15.6.05

conservative,anithing u say.
i ain a fan of her blog.
but i do read once in a while.
i juz wonder wad her parents r doing all dis yrs..
letting their daughter up to such atrocitiy.
at 1st i tink tt was daring.open.
now i tink tt was shameless.
wad a disgrace.
so i wun type out tt add either..

k thank god.
it rained.
cooled down e weather abit.
n i juz haf no mood to study.
feel rather useless as i haf all e time in e world but i din make gd use of em.
i juz m afraid to take e 1st step.
to even read n c those notes/bks.
sigh*
i hate myself.
but i realli haf no motivation to move on.

**listening to** over the rainbow **

dearr..missing u lots..

**listening to**pretty boy**

dearr..u once said..u felt lonely coz e moon was so full n e starrs r filling e sky..but there wasn't anione to watch wif u..

listening to**girl in ur dreams**

haf u tried gazing a starry starry nite..
n join up e stars in e shape of the name of e person u'r thinking at e moment??
try it..
it works..
u'll find miraculously tt..all e stars r "used up"..
none will b left behind..
it juz will somehow "move" themselves to fit wad u wana em to b..

all u hafta do is conc..
nth else in ur mind..

i did it..

*smiles*

&loved you so.

12.6.05

happy 1 yr anniversary'_
i <3 euu.

&loved you so.

11.6.05

countdown:13days.
dis is helluva sickening.
<3 miss'in u lyk crazy --- (' ' .)

i've listed 101 things to study for jct.
but i dun tink i've completed a mere 5% ?
i juz can't study!!? *pulls my hair*
i watch e tv from morning to nite.
i day dream e rest of e time.
sitting by my hp waiting for a msg or a call.

n everithing is like a foreign sub to me....
i shall hereby announced....I HATE GEOG..
which means i'll prob juz leave it aside.
i juz dowan to face reality tt i'm taking jct in 2 wks time.
y m i on dis path....
nahx. too late for regrets..

still rmb i've always wanted to study civil n envm engineering.
oh well.
tt shall always be a dream thou.
contented to even haf ONE dream.
eileen studying maritime studies n civil engineering.
hah.

enuff of tt.
at least dis hol is something i look fwd.
land of solace -- home
free from e gossipy bitchy horrendous world.
free from e best sch in spore.
thank god.

tink i'm bloated by dumplings.
i ate 4 ystd.
3 e day b4.

/mr n mrs smith\ is juz my cuppa tea.
angelina jolie rawkx my world.
sexay goddess :D

can join e clan of babes [x] hilary duff [x] jennifer aniston [x] elisha curtbert [x] paris hilton

i miss sal.
i miss emms.
i miss my besties.

i miss dear...*wish everything's fine down there*...

&loved you so.

8.6.05

if i knew wad to do..
i won need to cry..

&loved you so.

6.6.05

i'm turning insane.

&loved you so.

my mum n i were at LJS..
n kinda turn off by a grp of idiots.
a handful of boys.
obviously dey looked so underaged.
kiddy looks.
horrible old-fashioned bengster hairstyle.
i wonder do dey noe tt gangsters in 2005 dun wear n style dis way?
wadever.
wad's most disgusting is u see ONE girl in e midst of rotten eggs.
prob a rotten chicken wif all her rotten eggs.
how civilised dey r.
dashed in so quietly.
centre of attraction.
profound chimalogy new world language dey used in their speech.
n eventualli u can count e no. of diff words dey use wif ur both hands.
n an exceptionally high usage of a particular word -cheebye-
"u cb..c wad c..cb!"
"dun drink my drink la u cb!"
"cb..i hungry la!"
"wad to eat la cb!"
faints.such flowery language tt makes my ears so sore.
i tried counting e no. of cbs dey said in a min.
fantastic! tt's 16/min!!
i wonder if someone wud serve dem a plate of CBs.
such a delicacy for e honourable elitists of spore.

&loved you so.

3.6.05

now i know she really is insensitive.
she doesn't know she's a different person compared with 1 yr ago.
she doesn't know tt her change has affected me so much.
n causing so much of my misery jc life.

5 more mths to go.
outta this jc cycle.
outta this trap u've laid for me.
outta ur torment.

5 more mths to freedom.

stress up to my ears.

enuff of tt.

madagascar ain realli tt great..
personally i tink..
yar it is quite funny..
but there isn't reali ani climax..
not much of a twist..
i wud prefer incredibles..
much more worth e money.

muz bring dear watch Hitchhiker guide to e galaxy :D

i wish
i wish..
i wish tt life cud b a lil more simpler.

dear i luv u.

&loved you so.

2.6.05

crying alone makes things worse.
coz loneliness can invade u n make u even sadder.

dear i love u.
thx for being there always no matter wad.
at least i noe..no matter how much i gave up on e world n how ppl gave up on me..there's still u for me..

n i'm definitely touched tt no matter how tired u'r after ur pop u rush down to vch.
i noe u hate travelling so far by public transport.
yet u still came..
n came in e shirt i wanted to c..
regardless how much sweat u perspire..
i love u..
dunno wad can i do for u..
but hope e marche treat realli make u smile..

if onli e world had u n me.
i noe its e most childish.stupid.naive.dumb thing on earth.
coz fairytale nv exist.
but i realli hope there's onli both of us..
at least i can b happy..

but sad to say..
there r millions n zillions of ppl too..
n some r found in my life..
i realli wish i cud care less bout things i hated to hear..
i tried so hard but in vain..
ears r always opened.
n i'm juz e sensitive one..
emotional one..
tt e slightest wrong word from anione cud prick me.

i dunno wad's e joy of trading off my happiness n wonderful day
does deeming me a lower unworthy class brings u such pleasure?
n b4 making comments..
ask urself issit even neccessary to say?
i can swear n stand up for myself coz i've nv done tt to anione.
esp ppl hu r given e title as "friends"

i'm psychologically imbalanced coz of e particular u.
i hate e fact ppl wif such character can b so popular.
i hate e fact y ppl nv see e real u.
i dun hate u coz u''r popular i dun gif a damn bout tt.
i'm juz depressed tt y such insensitive ppl hu r either ignorant or oblivious towards other ppl exist.

i don belong to dis world.
or i dun belong to dis century.
e world is changing.
n i wud prefer e olden days whr ppl r more simple.
e word bitch n gossip dun realli exist.
or rather.not tt severe.

n i shall learn to onli live for myself n u.
no one else is worth my tears.

&loved you so.

insensitive ppl r more terrifying den sacarstic ones.

coz dey hurt u more.

&loved you so.