to love &to be loved <3

21.9.05

(click here)
supposedly the creator of the "i'm that guy"

its not surprising that boring singaporean bloggers are following up this trend for almost 2 months. that includes me.
it may sound cliche...but i've read a few that touches me so deeply...set me to think hard...
i came across this blog actually 2weeks ago..like moments before prelims officially started...but my brain was stuffed with billions of cancerous chi*geog cells that i can't afford to sit down and think properly what has happened up till my 18 years on earth...

so here i'm..
presently my very own version
*i'm that girl*
pardon if my list is extraordinary long

i'm the baby born on 17.04.87 that my mum has waited almost 5-6 years for
i'm the baby whom my mum told me i slept in a "yao2 lan2" and was "shook with my father's feet
i'm the baby caught crawling on the floor with my mouth filled with hair bits stuck there due to me imposing as a temporary vacuum cleaner for mum
i'm the baby who cried in everyone else's arms because i only want my parents to carry me
i'm the girl that grew up used to being chased around the house by the cane
i'm the girl who was scolded to tears for hiding and not wanting to eat those horrible bitter and smelly chinese medicine
i'm the girl who always fall ill when i was very young, even admitted to hospital for fatal fever and puking
i'm the girl with no playmate(s)
i'm the girl who always top any art competition i participated in
i'm the girl who was always regarded as role model and apple of teachers' eye all through my kindergarden and primary school days
i'm the girl who never fall out of the level top 3 placing which i got effortlessly
i'm the girl who gets awards, prizes every year for almost everything
i'm the girl who was scolded in school during "papers checking" in pri three for getting a 88 for math
i'm the girl who gets the most attention from friends back then
i'm the girl who stood up for a good friend in primary one against those primary six big bullies
i'm the girl who was spank hard on my bare ass in primary one for bringing back my waterbottle "undrunk"
i'm the girl who always have the cleanest and whitest pair of shoes in the entire school all thanks to my mum
i'm the teenager that did well for DnT and home economics, results were still considerable
i'm the teenager that devote full attention and time into DHSSB and all i did whole day was band, music, bassoon and nothing else
i'm the teenager who was once almost expelled out of band for some silly reason all thanks to a special "friend cum senior"
i'm the teenager who was regarded as one of the elitist in band
i'm the teenager booted out of band committee due to horrendous results
i'm the teenager that miraculously survived O's at the last lap and got a lucky 11 to be in TJC (which i regret for life)
i'm the teenager who skipped 60% of lessons in NYJC and went out to play
i'm also the teenager who never skipped school and was always early for school all the way up till JC
i'm the teenager who can't stop swearing for nuts when it comes to school related stuff now
i'm the teenager who fails every now and then and is the principal's best coffee mate
i'm the teenager who enjoys being an escapist and hopes no one notices me
i'm the teenager who hides in the bathroom/bed and cry everyday due to extreme pressure and stress from studies/family/relationship/friends
i'm the teenager ditched by 2 people in my life which has always been the other way round of rejection
i'm the girl who pinches a sex maniac on the MRT train who happen to sit beside me
i'm the friend you would find listening to you, helping you, sacrificing...just for the hope of making you happy
i'm the friend who never shout or quarrel with you
i'm the friend who may not be able to fulfil you with thrills and fun, but i'm the friend who always stood by you through everything, gives you advices and comments and always act like a mother/elder sister
i'm the girl who was touched by the guy with his true and silly gestures
i'm the girl you would go all the way to yishun and send me back home just for a confession send through an sms
i'm the girl who initiate to hold your hands which totally startled him
i'm the silly girl forever counting the number of days we have been together
i'm the girl who forbids the guy to wear his earrings, his pink cap, worn out shirts-pants-sandals whenever we're out on a date
i'm the girl who saves up every cent on my pocket money back then just to buy him decent clothes and any gifts for him
i'm the girl who obeys what i'm being told and asked to do and never questioned back
i'm the girl contented with a simple life..inclusive of just the guy, family and a few friends
i'm the girl hoping to marry the guy she loves wholeheartedly
i'm the girl who is happy eating home-cooked food for the rest of my life
i'm the girl who turns in latest by 11 everynight
i'm the girl feeling hopeless and desperate of my current life
i'm the girl who cries and feel hurt related to family problems
i'm the girl who wish to fly away
i'm the girl you think you know but you don't

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food for thoughts (for guys)
Your mother and your partner are drowning in the sea.
Both screaming their heads off and struggling frantically.
You can only save one while watching the other drown then disappear.
Who will you swim towards and save?
quite an universal answer to this will be "of course laobu (mother) lah!! laobu only got one and she give birth to me what... zabor die le can find others marrr...
what's your answer?

food for thoughts (for girls)
Your partner and child are drowning in the sea.
Only the child is screaming and crying out to you.
"Mummiii!!! Save me!! *cough cough struggle struggle*"
You can only save one while watching the other drown and disappear.
Who will you swim towards and save?
this is a tough one i guess.
females are born to be sooo sentimental.
probably some will just stand at the coast scream, shout, panic and cry.
end up both also die.
your partner: love of your life
your child: own flesh and blood
and your also might watch alot of drama serials that shows a mother in hard labour crying out to her husband that if anything happens, save the child first.

what's mine?
i really can't decide.
but if i really do..
my answer : partner.
*though i'm still unmarried...(eventually i hope i will)

the marriage vow goes something like regardless of sickness or whatever, you swear to fulfil your responsibility to love and care for that person the rest of your life.
your partner is someone you went through so much to be with...and the promise you made...to stand by one another against all odds.
for the child...its a product of your love with your partner.
no partner, no child.
we can apply the *there's-only-one-mother-but-girls-everywhere* theory here
child you can have as many as you want.
but there can be only one man deserving your utmost devotion and love in your life.

what's yours then?

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prelims are over, except for the last paper next week.
and damn it that school is just starting right after that paper.
i know i'm not doing well in it.
no point complaining to anyone cause before these people get their result slips, everyone claims they WILL FAIL.
all i can say is i hardly attempt any question.
i know while people are busy scribbling their math paper 2 scripts away, i was secretly tearing, even after the paper.
i was there feeling so lost all of a sudden that it seems i'm doing a subject i've not studied.
at that very moment...the mind just blanked out.
all that what i've studied seemed to vanish.
i know that 3 hour will be a torment for me.
sitting there fidgeting, tearing, doesn't help.
at that point of time i just have the urge to dash out of class and scarper.
but i'm just a gutless piece of shit.

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life's still going on.
everything at home is also in a mess.
tonight there's my cousin wedding which i was looking forward to but not now.

&loved you so.