ntu soci 3rd year x))
17th april 1987
5'7 tall
I don't tolerate incongruity
Music, Dancefloor makes me come alive
A world of self denial i live
embodiment of ice
YDesires.
canon ixus 970is or
fujifilm f100d
clothes
maintain GPA of 4.0 above
happiness
pretty skin
encounter 1 i hate it when u'r trying hard to care for a fren. trying hard to maintain e frenship btw u n her. but yet she's like taking so easy. u tried asking her out.or msg her.or tok to her. but u feel she's still unwilling to break thru e walls n come forth wif u. seriously u'r starting to ponder. r u "one-sided-ly"treating her as ur best fren. n holding on to dis frenship when she has long disregard u as one of her MANY gd frenz. u wana care bout her.concern bout her life n everithing. u oso wish to noe wad does she tk u us after mani mani yrs of frenship. but.u juz lack the guts to do it. sometimes watching her joke n laff w others.ur heart tears within. n wonder does she even rmb ur existence. somewhr.some place. on planet earth.someone's longing for her warmth n smile too...
encounter 2 u too.care alot for dis other fren. which oso implies u tk into consideration her feelings too. wheneva she's sad.she's down. u dun feel gd.u wana her smile again. u put down e "hatred" within u wheneva she's in gd mood whr she's desensitised of ur feelings. u dun realli hate her. but u sometimes realli hate her for her cruelity towards u. u thot u cud accept the change in her over e yr. but it seems like u r hafing a "preferential treatment" diff frm others. to make urself feel beta.u tell urself maybe tt's bcoz u'r her gd fren. but sadly.her attitude her happiness is built on ur wound. feeling lonely.in despair. u wonder again.r u again "one-sided-ly" treating someone as ur best fren when u'r like one in a million of her gd frenz. or does she even care a hoot of ur existence at some pt of time. nahx. at least wheneva she's down.troubled.sad. she needs u. u shud b happy tt u can b "useful" sigh.
------------------------------------------------- i feel so hurt hearing dis comment. "not tt u can't haf wad u wan.if u'r smart n gd in ur studies i can willingly buy everithing for u.but u'r now so lousy so stupid.doing so badly in ur studies.spend so much $ on u alr but u'r still so stupid...yada yada." i hate it when ur mood suddenly change n start screaming shouting n nagging at me. disregard of my feelings.. i told u e price of tt pair of shoes alr.u heard me din u? if u din wan me to buy it y even bother walking me back there? if u din intend to buy tt bag.y did u bother even bringing me back there thrice. asking if i wan it n discussing which size is beta. n suddenly ur mood changes n u start nagging me y i keep pestering u to buy all those things.. i've grown up. i'm not e little girl who wails n pester mummy to buy dis buy tt. yes i told u i like tt pair of shoes n bag. but if u firmly say a "No".. i wun even tink bout it animore.coz i noe myself dey ain tt cheap afterall. but u'r e one hu gave me hope n showing u haf e intention to buy it. n when we reached home u juz scream e hell at me. n shouting tt i dun need anithing when i'm so lousy in my studies.
yes. not forgetting tt u'r juz like those teachers. equating failing as not studying. i thot u uds.. i'm not tt sad if u juz plainly scream at me.nag at me. i'm hurt at e fact tt u dun uds me at all..
------------------------------------------------ i'm waiting n waiting.. its been months tt u've updated tt blog.. i'm waiting n waiting.. for e day u finally will stand by ur countless promises. i'm waiting n waiting.. i dunno wad i'm waiting for.
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i noe i myself haf lotsa flaws. i can b ugly.stupid.useless.lazy. but all i ask for is so simple. so simple...
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all i rmb was i went to bed in tears. opened my eyes in a soaked pillow tt nv dry for 6 hrs. typing a blog w a soul-less body. i'm tired. i'm realli tired of everithing.
sparklethots
